That topic again?!
yep, it's time for another helping of Jonathan's notes and reflections on marriage. Today i pull from three sources that have been especially inspiring this week. As a mere relaxation from my 50+ hours of working in a span of four days, and because i really care about the issue, I wish to indulge in another helping of premarital self-preparation.
As Angela and I discussed between ourselves this summer, the possibility for a girl and guy to be just genuine friends is very real. Dr. Warren suggests the following formula: "Love minus chemistry equals friendship." Chemistry is essentially a physical magnetism between a couple; a desire to touch, hold hands, kiss, and etcetera is presence of chemistry in a relationship. It an infantile stage, chemistry looks different, as the following Calvin and Hobbes comic strip describes (as quoted in Warren, 202-203)
Calvin: What is it like to fall in love?
Hobbes: Well, say the object of your affection walks by.
Calvin: Yeah?
Hobbes: First, your heart falls into your stomach and splashes your innards. (Hobbes swings his hand around to demonstrate someone who is sweating profusely) This condensation shorts the circuits to your brain, and you get all woozy. When your brain burns out altogether, your mouth disengages, and you babble like a cretin until she leaves."
Calvin: That's love?
Hobbes: Medically speaking.
Calvin: That happened to me once, and I figured it was cooties!
Chemistry is the "indispensible agent" of togetherness in a relationship. Warren calls it "glue" for the hard times and the deliverer of great joy in the good times. "Don't go to your wedding without it."
Well, you say, what else would one bring to the wedding? Glad you asked. I can condense the myriad of excellent points of Warren's book into three: When you get married, make sure that you and your girlfriend/boyfriend are Compatible, Committed and have Chemistry.
I found the seven checkpoints before you say I Do quite remarkable.
1- Take plenty of time to evaluate your relationship before deciding to get married; take one to two years or more getting to know each other consistently.
2-Make sure you are the right age to get married; wait until you and your partner are at least in your mid-twenties.
3- Beware of being overeager; make sure that you are marrying for all the right reasons
4- Make yourself happy; the person you must please in your mate selection is yourself
5-Make sure you have a broad spectrum of dating experiences; see your potential mate in as many different circumstances as possible-in good times and tough times, important matters or mundane.
6-make sure your expectations are realistic; get a grip on what real life is going to be like with your partner.
7-Address any character issues, behavioral problems, or personality quirks before getting married; if you have any doubts about your ability or willingness to make an irrevocable commitment to your partner, or you question your partner's ability to make such a commitment to you, slow down!
Another quote: "Once the marriage vows are taken, however, once you and another person have pledged yourselves to each other for a lifetime, you have every responsibility to make that relationship work. With a few puffs of air, your entire focus changes; you are linked to another person for life.
Since opening up Ravi Zacharias' book, i have been enlightened too. I encourage each Christian bachelor/ette to read it! One reflection on that so far is, during the marriage vows, wouldn't it be more appropriate to say "I give thee myself to be thy lawfully wedded husband..." ?
Finally, i submit Ephesians 3:19 for consideration. "And to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge..." A husband is told to love his wife as Christ loves his church-but what a standard to live up to!! If Christ has a love that exceeds what we can know, that means I am challenged as a husband to love my wife so deeply and consistently that she doesn't even know, despite her intelligence, how much she's loved--it's beyond her. "Thank you for loving me more than I can know" is a compliment I hope to receive from her someday.
As Angela and I discussed between ourselves this summer, the possibility for a girl and guy to be just genuine friends is very real. Dr. Warren suggests the following formula: "Love minus chemistry equals friendship." Chemistry is essentially a physical magnetism between a couple; a desire to touch, hold hands, kiss, and etcetera is presence of chemistry in a relationship. It an infantile stage, chemistry looks different, as the following Calvin and Hobbes comic strip describes (as quoted in Warren, 202-203)
Calvin: What is it like to fall in love?
Hobbes: Well, say the object of your affection walks by.
Calvin: Yeah?
Hobbes: First, your heart falls into your stomach and splashes your innards. (Hobbes swings his hand around to demonstrate someone who is sweating profusely) This condensation shorts the circuits to your brain, and you get all woozy. When your brain burns out altogether, your mouth disengages, and you babble like a cretin until she leaves."
Calvin: That's love?
Hobbes: Medically speaking.
Calvin: That happened to me once, and I figured it was cooties!
Chemistry is the "indispensible agent" of togetherness in a relationship. Warren calls it "glue" for the hard times and the deliverer of great joy in the good times. "Don't go to your wedding without it."
Well, you say, what else would one bring to the wedding? Glad you asked. I can condense the myriad of excellent points of Warren's book into three: When you get married, make sure that you and your girlfriend/boyfriend are Compatible, Committed and have Chemistry.
I found the seven checkpoints before you say I Do quite remarkable.
1- Take plenty of time to evaluate your relationship before deciding to get married; take one to two years or more getting to know each other consistently.
2-Make sure you are the right age to get married; wait until you and your partner are at least in your mid-twenties.
3- Beware of being overeager; make sure that you are marrying for all the right reasons
4- Make yourself happy; the person you must please in your mate selection is yourself
5-Make sure you have a broad spectrum of dating experiences; see your potential mate in as many different circumstances as possible-in good times and tough times, important matters or mundane.
6-make sure your expectations are realistic; get a grip on what real life is going to be like with your partner.
7-Address any character issues, behavioral problems, or personality quirks before getting married; if you have any doubts about your ability or willingness to make an irrevocable commitment to your partner, or you question your partner's ability to make such a commitment to you, slow down!
Another quote: "Once the marriage vows are taken, however, once you and another person have pledged yourselves to each other for a lifetime, you have every responsibility to make that relationship work. With a few puffs of air, your entire focus changes; you are linked to another person for life.
Since opening up Ravi Zacharias' book, i have been enlightened too. I encourage each Christian bachelor/ette to read it! One reflection on that so far is, during the marriage vows, wouldn't it be more appropriate to say "I give thee myself to be thy lawfully wedded husband..." ?
Finally, i submit Ephesians 3:19 for consideration. "And to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge..." A husband is told to love his wife as Christ loves his church-but what a standard to live up to!! If Christ has a love that exceeds what we can know, that means I am challenged as a husband to love my wife so deeply and consistently that she doesn't even know, despite her intelligence, how much she's loved--it's beyond her. "Thank you for loving me more than I can know" is a compliment I hope to receive from her someday.
posted by Radar | 8:56 AM
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