Stressed

i hope Anthony was serious when he asked Daisy that, if i liked him so much, howcome he doesn't hear from me? Well, i wrote to him and am counting on him to have meant what he said! because i do wish we coulda kept up since i last saw him and i do wish that i can keep in contact with him.
It sounds like Daisy is still having lots of fun. I get concerned that she may be getting discouraged because Shane is around still. He is a handful, and being her sister and compelled to care and worry about him must add alot of strain on her life. I'm praying for her, and for Anthony, a person in the position to comfort and uphold her emotionally. Her telling me of her fun times with him gives me joy.
Surely you have heard about the approaching hurricane in the Gulf? I have a few close friends who will be moderately affected by it. This all seems so unreal. I am in awe that our country can deal well with calamities like back-to-back hurricanes.
I've entered in my final week here. Next Thursday i board the airplane to go home. New sentiments collect in my mind as i approach the end of my time. I feel a sense of conclusion resembling that of a school graduation. I'm satisfied with the way things happened the way they did, and i do not long to go back to it nor do i long for it to continue. However, if i were given the option to live in Glennallen with Anthony for the next three months and owe no student loan payments, i might be tearing up my ticket at the airport!...but realistically, the idea of going back is sweet, and i want it to happen.
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My excursion to Fairbanks on Monday through Wednesday impressed upon me just how much grace i'm living by. I followed in the tracks of two of my friends as they hunted down every potential business for a job opening suitable for them. I toured the elite whose requirements of an employee were unattainable for us, and i toured the low-class company whose treatment of employees amounts to hardly more than abuse-but whose requirements are at our level. Now i have friends whose view of the future is obscure and whose opportunities on the local scale are few and undesirable. I cannot help but feel their angst for myself because four years of college and a degree has to reward them something in this industry, and it seems that they are not getting much back for their investment right now. I hope their payoff comes eventually though because they're in aviation, and in aviation, the payoff comes only late. I state that so matter-of-factly, don't I? My beleif was exactly that before the present and past weeks, when i met a number of people who have been in the business and testified that it can be indefinitely unfair financially and legally. Fuel companies get greedy for money and FAA lawmaking head-honchos dream up rediculuous regulations to gain reputation, and both phenomena just smother aviation. I'm not expecting the big payoff yet, but i once had higher hopes for a payoff in my and my friends' future.
If i could extract us from this season of our lives, i would. We are under sentence of our inexperience and youth. The next few years are going to be very difficult.
One epiphany i had this week is that we went to school to prepare to work hard. We didn't go to school to prepare for a good job; for an entry-level pay-the-dues work-hard job that will step us up to the good jobs. But my concept of entry-level was not as severe as what i presently perceive they are.
Now, part of my emotional unrest springs from my desire to be among them in this scenario because that would seem more fair. You see, i almost did not have the flight instructor certificate and its consequent bonus privileges and hence opportunities. But by God's grace coming in the form of a few pivotal words from people who love and care for me the most, i am that. Dwayne described me as the melancholic personality temperament and -no surprise-a romantic. I would feel beside myself to be working some jobs that i may have had to, given that i were not a flight instructor. After Tuesday and Wednesday, i felt content with the idea in being an educator for the rest of my life. The ranch felt like my haven as i walked around last (Wednesday) night. Everything seemed good but THAT i saw in Fairbanks. The threat of living cold and lonely never touched me so deeply. Lord, lead me to a fairer fields.
Moreover, i am blessed to have parents who are welcoming me back home so i can survive. My plight is real, and without them, i don't know what i would do.
So these are some contemplations I took back from Fairbanks, compacted into written word.
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I had an exciting time during my flight today. Winds in Palmer were from the left at 19 gusting to 22 knots. Mist and light rain obscured the windshield. Landing the 152 was astonishingly difficult; i cruised over 2500' of runway in ground effect waiting for just a pause in the jolting turbulence so 488 "Elanor" would respond to my control inputs and sink down to the pavement. I did this twice, and twice i prayed my hardest ever during an airplane landing. The touchdowns were smooth, though, and i spent the following minutes catching my breath and thanking the Lord for helping me keep us and the airplane safe. Those were the most challenging landings I have ever made in my career.

I'm four flight hours away from reaching 150 hours in Alaska. Praise God for His generosity!
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I'm a slacker: here are thoughts from earlier today that i wrote to Daisy. Some overlap will be here, so please forgive.
I returned from fairbanks last night with Sam in 200SD. and get this-we were weathered out of the valley. that's my third stopover in Palmer in that airplane. We stayed in Palmer in the first cause because we were low on fuel. Then Dwayne called from the ranch and said that the weather was not safe to fly back. Daniil drove over and got us.
being in Fairbanks was a time of stress for me. i was glad to set foot back on the ranch last night. i understood for the first time this place as a haven outside which is a grouchy, greedy, gruesome industrial culture. i was almost intimidated out of it, and since i don't have to face it immediately, as opposed to Sam and Daniil, i was aching with compassion for them all those days. i hope to remain in the aviation education or science facet of this industry. Someplace comfortable, clean and courteous. One of Dwayne's comments to us on Tuesday was that "Jonathan is a romantic...he sees beauty...getting him into the bush missionary lifestyle will take a miracle." My melancholic personality may not be appropriate for that work. on the other hand, there remain some positives.
So the 152 has an IFR package now: two comm radios, an ILS-capable navigation system, marker beacons, an audio panel and an internal intercom.
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Talked to Daisy for 30 minutes late tonight; she is anticipating her roommate and i to have dinner together on Sunday. shane has a job in Glennallen and will have an apartment of his own tomorrow.
Elmo, Daisy got your voicemail. i don't know if she called you back yet, but you'll do well to keep trying.