JUst take it

Today-just now- i received a compliment and encouraging word i desperately needed. and what did i do with it? threw it down and trampled it flat as if it were worth nothing.
someone on the outside-Mr. Baxter, a former lab instructor- has seen me work these past weeks in the sim labs, and today he brought all the thoughts from his observations into one moment and gave me a big compliment. He remembered my name and where I sat in his class four years ago. He is an experienced fella, and he knows people.
He told me --body language and all-- that he sees me as one who really likes what i do and that he sees few people who try so hard at their calling. and i took that compliment and added BUTs to it until i made the value of that compliment just small.
He made a special point to think out those words to me and then to step in and make them known.
He walked out before i finished my sentence starting with BUT. that was all he had to do to tell me 'fire so you don't accept my gracious words to you.'

nothing other than God's presence follows me more closely than my guilt. i have messed up so much since i got here, and haven't done so much and failed to act when i should have and forgotten so much...
yet i know it's only Satan trying to gnaw at my mind until my confidence fails because i'm making it. And people haven' t blown up at me. And most of my students still like me. And my car is still intact. Money is in the bank. Randy is finding a steal-of-a-deal on airline tickets to Alaska. I will grow with my experiences. I have hope of messing up less and forgetting less as I go along. I have hope of adapting and reaping and being a blessing.

I know you can't hear me, Mr. Baxter, but thank you...thank you for your compliment. i accept it and won't refuse it. it's helping me turn over a new leaf in my life.