First post
I met a girl tonight who also spent some of her summer in Alaska. Her name is Mary, and and talking to her rekindled many feelings and memories that have been just recently closed up inside my mind. To say the least, it was a blessing. Now when i spot pictures of mountains or glaciers or hear people say 'Alaska', a sensation comes over me like a cool wind and i click back to a mood of some yesterdays. Being a sojourner in Alaska really did affect me, but effects, i think, are evident only when key scenarios arouse them to come forth: Scenarios involving driving a stick shift, flying, cooking, some girls, my Bible, talking to Angela, Brian, Daisy and Randy, and thoughts of missions. When acting out my normal life to which i have now returned, i can expect for the influence of Alaska to lie dormant until moments like my discussion with Mary come my way.
As the title suggests, this is a first blog post. I've never written a blog in the lower 48, so this is a first. Yesterday and today were my first days here since my four-month stay in Alaska. The adjustment is still taking place. A feeling has prevailed in me that i've not had before. I feel guilty. Here I am in comfort; i am warm, fed, and can earn money if i need some, and i am surrounded by opportunities to find happiness. Everyone else I see is in the same disposition, and some possess great wealth that could be halved many times over and still be sufficient for their needs.
I've lived in a place where people are praying for the survival or complete construction of their very home.
We are impartial to their existence. Face it-if those who are able had the chance, would they really help them? Who many plan to help others with their livelihood?
Why do we live in decadence when they are living in despair?
As the title suggests, this is a first blog post. I've never written a blog in the lower 48, so this is a first. Yesterday and today were my first days here since my four-month stay in Alaska. The adjustment is still taking place. A feeling has prevailed in me that i've not had before. I feel guilty. Here I am in comfort; i am warm, fed, and can earn money if i need some, and i am surrounded by opportunities to find happiness. Everyone else I see is in the same disposition, and some possess great wealth that could be halved many times over and still be sufficient for their needs.
I've lived in a place where people are praying for the survival or complete construction of their very home.
We are impartial to their existence. Face it-if those who are able had the chance, would they really help them? Who many plan to help others with their livelihood?
Why do we live in decadence when they are living in despair?
posted by Radar | 8:21 PM
1 Comments:
Perplexing.
I find that my attitude since leaving Alaska is forever changed, and I think that if you were to ask, those around me think it's evident always. That's in contrast to your idea that it's a passing memory, and that any change in self is only evident when aroused.
I think that dealing with a few people (Shane, Barry) led to a change in my attitude, and a change in how I deal with everyone. For the worse. I have been really unforgiving in my comments and jabs lately, and people have pointed it out. It's typically the people that incite my anger that are first to criticize it; that's the way that always works. Seems that the people who dish it out are the ones least capable of taking their own medicine.
I found that in Alaska, too.
If I were to use one word to describe my attitude of late, it would be "disenchanted."
That word came up recently; was it between you and I?
You feel guilty? Curious. Understandable.
I feel constrained.
I feel constrained to be what people want me to be. I feel... expected. It is expected that Randy will ___. Randy is expected to complete ___. Must go to class, must do homework, must work out to be a contender for being taken seriously. Must report having run X miles in order to be considered 'real'. Must stick to the schedule. Must meet this deadline. Must sit in classrooms. Must go to bed. Musn't read a book at leisure. Musn't take long walks alone. Mustn't become indignant at the sins of others. Indeed, how dare I label them sins. Mustn't judge others.
Mustn't hamper Satan's efforts to win this weak world.
Out of my heart floweth my mouth tonight. I apologize for being so dreary. I have no humorous comment with which to provide comic relief.
But the point is that, in Alaska, I felt free to do those things I cannot do here, yet also free to avoid doing the things which are now required of me.
I am disgusted with my school.
That is enough of this, I am stealing other people's joy.
We'll talk later.
Oh no, Daisy called me and I forgot to call her back today!!!
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