going through changes

Of the several bloggers who i have or do read, only a couple/few touch and soften my heart. jacki sabota is one of those. she reminds me of the youthful faith i used to call my own, back when i was more trusting, hopeful, free. I don't know what has changed about me since i graduated or since the beginning of the year, but i know that and i know some of you know that too. Reading jacki's words refreshes my spirit and gives me that "peace in nostalgia, in memories." because when she talks about what her memories mean to her, i am reminded of what my memories mean to me, and i sometimes even wish back to the present that which i remember.

tonight i wrote in my prayer journal and spilled my fears to God and asked Him why they are there. Like Craig Miller played out in his hootennanny skit last night, i heard little tidbits of God's true Word in my ear as i pondered my questions.

One piece of evidence i have that points to God's existence and His possession of me is that when I bow my head to pray and dedicate my day and situations to Him, ideas and promptings spontaneously bubble up in me--ideas that i wouldn't have remembered if i tried but are essential to my day. I've proven this in the past week. I worked for 60+ hours the past seven days and just like me found ways around prayer time. Misguided, unexcusable decisions and omissions proceeded on a few of those days because i made them on my own power. But when i prayed those few times, a whole lineup of stuff to say and do streamed into my mind and taught me the steps i should take.

How has flight instructing been going? Well, it has highs and lows. I am not much higher than mediocre as far as adequacy is concerned, but i do know how to give instructions, and then the need to have greater-than-mediocre patience is called upon when students don’t follow instructions. The same is required when i am teaching and the student appears to be dazed, half-conscious or lost. Talking just to hear myself speak isn’t all that bad of a deal, but the fact stands that if what i’m saying does not sink in, then my student is toast on the examination. I’ve discerned myself as getting more hardheaded as the weeks transpire because i feel i need to project a figure of non-slacking, high-expecting, success-demanding teacher. Although that may churn out a pilot or two, i’m concerned that my coming across as such would cause me to lose my students. I can demand alot, and golly do i need to demand more. I’m not really laying down the rule right now because i went through my training aware of my own behindness and ignorance, so i would study and practice and create means to make ideas permanent in my head so i wouldn’t be so below average. I thought i was slow by default; therefore i put alot of energy into compensating for my deficiencies. But it took getting to my ‘perch’ to learn the dividing attribute of students/pilots: those who try more than they need to and those who don’t try enough. The issue is not one’s intelligence; it’s of one’s awareness of the scope of knowledge and skill to be attained and stamina to go at length and effort to assimilate all of it. What disappoints me is the lack of sense of responsibility in some kids—some seem to infer that i do all the work unto learning for them. I may as well say “i’m going to learn you today airspace and cloud clearance requirements.” People, please take the initiative upon yourselves.

One is going camping for two days this weekend. And this person didn’t know what Vx is in the Skyhawk we’ve flown for 23 hours together. This bothers me.

I want to be the kind of teacher who loves my students into learning.

God, bless me with the talent to do just that, and change me to be useful for whatever Your purpose.

Do not be of a neutral mind. Contemplate what positives surround you and always consider things how they are and what they need to be.

James 1 says that our lusts conceive sin. It’s appalling where my mind will derail to when i give it an inch of slack. Appalling. I think satan always leads us to sin using questions of “what if?” The mind in subjection to Christ and obsession with God and His life will think about “what is?” and not fall prey to lust.

It’s late enough.