JUst take it

Today-just now- i received a compliment and encouraging word i desperately needed. and what did i do with it? threw it down and trampled it flat as if it were worth nothing.
someone on the outside-Mr. Baxter, a former lab instructor- has seen me work these past weeks in the sim labs, and today he brought all the thoughts from his observations into one moment and gave me a big compliment. He remembered my name and where I sat in his class four years ago. He is an experienced fella, and he knows people.
He told me --body language and all-- that he sees me as one who really likes what i do and that he sees few people who try so hard at their calling. and i took that compliment and added BUTs to it until i made the value of that compliment just small.
He made a special point to think out those words to me and then to step in and make them known.
He walked out before i finished my sentence starting with BUT. that was all he had to do to tell me 'fire so you don't accept my gracious words to you.'

nothing other than God's presence follows me more closely than my guilt. i have messed up so much since i got here, and haven't done so much and failed to act when i should have and forgotten so much...
yet i know it's only Satan trying to gnaw at my mind until my confidence fails because i'm making it. And people haven' t blown up at me. And most of my students still like me. And my car is still intact. Money is in the bank. Randy is finding a steal-of-a-deal on airline tickets to Alaska. I will grow with my experiences. I have hope of messing up less and forgetting less as I go along. I have hope of adapting and reaping and being a blessing.

I know you can't hear me, Mr. Baxter, but thank you...thank you for your compliment. i accept it and won't refuse it. it's helping me turn over a new leaf in my life.

The Almost $3,000 mistake

Of all the stupid things i've done...of all the STUPID things i've done...of all the STUPID, STUPID..
Deep breath.

God has saved me from myself so many times by some miracle of timing. I'm serious. Today was one of the loudest examples. So i turned into the wrong entrance at LeTourneau-the one that, as i discovered, does NOT go to the loop. So i took a little jog around the workers' parking lot and got to the exit, and just as i got there, a big dump truck was headed North on Mobberly and needed to get in. Big truck. I could stay here, rear up, or go. Got half-second to decide cuz i'm in a hurry: GO. As soon as i committed my foot to the throttle, my brain sent messages of what i just may have just done to myself.
Mobberly is a tw0-lane road.
Big truck obstructs view.
I don't know if a car is on the other side of the big truck.
Body: brace for impact.

Half thinking this and half thinking to zoom as fast as possible across the lanes, i cleared the truck and as i travelled across the far lane, i looked to my left.
If i had hesitated for just 0.75 second, i would have hit that car.

I ought to have. My stupidity bought me such a consequence.
I should be out there negotiating insurance right now.
If i had been set back 0.75 seconds.

It's a wonder that i just received my new insurance quote from AAA in my email.

I would have had to say good-bye to Alaska.

How how do I live?
Thank you, THANK YOU, God.

i like these sayings

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make
you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human and enough hope to make you happy.

The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything;
they just make the most of everything that comes along their way. The
brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can't go
forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.

When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling.
Live your life so at the end, you're the one who is smiling and everyone
around you is crying.