Contemplations

Name:
Location: Bridgewater, Virginia, United States

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Charisma, Canada, and anywhere but home...

I'm confessing to having writer's block right now. How this is possible, i don't know because i have so much i need to get down in my web-journal that i ought to be able to write a small booklet by noon. I suppose that rather than trying to recap what's been happening the last week and a half, i'll just give the basics and let the rest fall into place.

My very second week of work at Dynamic i got to come up here. It was so early in my employment that i had just spent one night in my new apartment! We're here to conduct confidential surveys with confidential equipment for a confidential purpose. I'm sorry i have to be so vague, but that's how i have to be right now for the customer's safety. I am a first officer on a Beechcraft KingAir 90, which is a twin-turboprop plane. it's between a prop plane and a jet plane, in effect. The type of flying we do requires coasting at low-level between 100-200' above the ground. for the surveying, we also have to fly the plane in a straight corridor 60' wide while keeping speed of about 160 MPH. This is very challenging and mentally fatiguing flying and requires absolute attention to what one is doing. All of one's senses are functioning at peak capability, and any distraction of thoughts or any crossfiring of the brain to tell the hand what to do results in slipping out of the corridor quite expeditiously. It requires absolute focus on the part of both pilots, and it is so far the best skills-honing flying i've had to do. As a pilot, i feel much more refined, as i feel i'm doing the most demanding kind of flying i've ever had to do. Forget flying IFR for hours. I'd find that easy relative to this. Nowdays, after enduring these extremely demanding exercises, i can cruise back to the airport and maintain 2 deg of heading and 20' with just half a brain cell of thought. We've flown for four straight days on this project so far, and i've logged 22.7 hours in that time. One of my goals is to attain captain status by Christmas, and to do that I need 100 hours of Kingair time. In just four days, i'm 1/5 the way there. Praise God!

So many parallels between life and flying are especially apparent now days. I wish i could just have the chance to pause a flight every now and then to write down in the moment how "wow, that's a lot like life..." For instance, flying an airplane at 150' off the ground at 160 MPH in a 60' wide imaginary corridor certainly resembles the 'straight and narrow' path that we are walking as Christ-followers in this world. There is only one Way to heaven and a good fellowship with Him, and He gives us the way that we should go. Only when we let our mind and heart wander, or let the world distract us for even a second, the great ship of our lives gets off-course. Living well requires great discipline and focus, forward thinking and quick corrections to little upsets. There are times when i need to correct the plane from going the wrong direction, yes, but there are also times when i have to correct my own thoughts from going in the wrong direction because then they aren't helping but rather take away from my goal.
The same applies for my relationship with Charisma. Just recently we've written up a 'covenant' between us to define our strengths, personal goals, and how we intend to keep ourselves physically pure, spiritually committed, and emotionally secure in our relationship. It's been written with the blood and tears of experience, so we're definitely not shooting in the dark with this one: If we stay on this course that we have covenanted to keep, our relationship will doubtless proceed happily and blessed.

Charisma and i are doing great, despite the long distance. Our time apart has confirmed the feelings we have for each other, and i think that we have actually grown in maturity as a couple since we've been apart. It's definitely affirmed in my heart who she is to me: the only girl in the world i want to consider being with for the rest of my life. I miss her so much, and the more I do, the more beautiful she becomes to me! Somehow, even when i was with her, she got more beautiful every week, so i can't wait to see her again! I may have the opportunity to in a month, so please pray that God will bring me there!

As far as the flying project goes, the next step is to fly the plane to Yellowknife, Northwest Territories, for an inspection that will last for a few days. Then once we finish flying the rest of the survey zones here in Nunavut, we're to head somewhere in Quebec for some more.
Prayer requests of mine are that the package my parents sent gets here in time, for Charisma's letter to get here in time, for our safety, for the flawless operation of the plane, and for my spiritual maturity to grow as i spend time away from 'home.'

Radar

Monday, August 20, 2007

Three months of joy

Three months ago yesterday the 19th, Charisma and I held each other tight under the starry night sky in Nacogdoches, Texas, and i remember her asking, i my ear, "Are we girlfriend and boyfriend?"
me: "I guess we are...friends don't hold each other close like this. Well... here we go! May God bless us!"

Three months later, my life has changed because of her.

Charisma, my mood lacks the eloquence it afforded me yesterday. But i hope it suffices to say...
I am more sold out on you than ever before...
I believe in you more than ever before...
You are the world's most beautiful woman in my eyes and getting more beautiful every week...
I believe God is in our midst and turning everything into good for us...
I believe God is FOR us being together...
I have not cared for anyone else more than i have for you...
When i am close to you I feel I am near God...
I have learned more about relationships, our God's grace, and the wonder of His works more than ever since our relationship began...
I am more at peace about you now than ever...
I'm just crazy about you more than ever!!!

Another lunch break, another fast day, and another full mind…

…is how I’m coming again to this blog entry this Monday. I had a sweet weekend at Doug’s wedding in Wilmington, NC, and a fantastic Sunday yesterday. I talked to Charisma during my last three hours of the drive home, going on a walk down memory lane together of our first week of knowing each other face-to-face. It was a great conversation of a wonderful an blessed time. We have a start to our relationship that is something to be proud of an thankful to God for.

Yesterday marked the third month since the beginning of my relationship with Charisma Andrews. I miss her fanatically, am learning about her enthusiastically, and am feeling confirmed deeply of God's blessing us together.

This morning, following a good 3 ½ hours of sleep, I went to work to begin my second week at Dynamic, and I was making a little smalltalk with one of the guys I worked with when I was here as an intern 3 years ago. We reminisced about projects we worked on and he updated me on some details I wasn’t aware of, details that showed how good of a CEO that Karl Stolzfus is and how well off the company is doing. Then he surprised me when he said, “we’re blessed, and you know, that’s what happens when God runs the company.” He went on to say how he was prayed into his job there, and how a Christian company like this is setting God above itself and is being blessed through it, and that he’s glad to be working here and that most everyone who comes brings more blessing to the company. He pointed out me in particular to be one who is brining blessing to the company, and encouraged me in that if I prove myself to be a hard worker and diligent on the shop floor, then Karl will see that and reward me with favor with flying because I ‘earned to fly his planes.’
Encouraged is a nice way to start the day!

The next couple hours were droll and spent in the boredom of cleaning and polishing metal pieces, meanwhile my brain, in its unmotivation to process much of anything, wandered onto some negative, lustful thoughts that I tried to immediately bring into captivity to Christ, an reminded myself to think that which is in Philippians 4:8. And I prayed, “God, help me to use this time in thoughts that I won’t regret later when I regain my motivation.” Then God started giving me tasks to process concerning my relationship with Charisma: proposal, gifts, what our relationship is becoming… and I was given insight into why there are some parts of our past experiences together that we both regret. It’s that during those times, we didn’t have in mind to be working to improve and move forward our relationship but to just go with the moment and let what happens happen. So I quickly made a mental note that “constant improvement” needs to be added among our present four ‘covenants’ in our relationship. Then after that, I added another: to think, say and act out Philippians 4:8. So if we have one more later on, that will make a complete seven.
This led to my visualizing a wonderful project that I would love to put together soon, serving as a tangible reminder of the “meat” of our relationship both now and on and on and on…so we pray!

Then I was struck by the fact that I was feeling at a total, restful peace about our relationship and that I was also feeling simply elated that Charisma is my girlfriend, and that the voice in my head that repeats to me a detestable phrase every morning was…gone. ‘What did I do?’ I wondered.

Well, I think that this weekend really changed me and gave my mind a new perspective on a lot related to God, our relationship, myself, and the invisible battle that is waged every day for our souls.
I wrote last week about the ways of the devil and how to discern God’s will by knowing His Own ways. That was a stepping = stone onto what i was to encounter this weekend. I met a man and another couple with whom I just got into a conversation about relationhips an how to manage long-distance and be the man I need to be now and in marriage. And one of the guys told me that he had doubts come to him and second-guesses and messages in his min that made him feel insecure during his engagement to his wife, and he really got my attention there because that’s sorta what I’ve been going thru myself. He held onto truth, just like I am, but he identifies that there is a battle over marriages in this generation; satan wants to crush solid, biblically-founded marriages because they are the greatest testimonies of Christ’s beautiful love for His church in this generation, and we believe he isn’t interested in dividing marriages where they are but where they begin – in the intentionally God-honoring, intentionally commitment-ready dating relationships.
There is a battle waged against us – even Charisma and me. And we need to give attention to it and be knowledgeable of satan’s devices against us because they are strong and effective. We are truly in this battle, and we have a charge to withstand it and fight it ourselves, and going into this battle uninformed of satan’s devices is like entering a war with all the knowledge of and preparation for a enemy’s ground forces but no intelligence as to the enemy’s air forces.

God has a way of giving me his words in my spirit at the most opportunte times - you know, 2:15 in the morning. But the insight he gave me was so profound and important that I just had to spend time with Him processing and writing down what he was giving to me. I felt like he was showing me the enemy’s battle tactics in a way I never saw before. And once He did, I knew that , yeah, that’s what I’ve been facing.

Here’s what I wrote down – as satan battled, God said, ‘’here’s what I see. Once you figure that out, then you can see what you should about Me.’’

Satan’s devices are:
-Distractions!
-Exaggerations!
-Lies!
-Perversions!
-Destructions!
-Discouragements!

As I look at this list, I can’t help but identify several places in our past where we succumbed to one or many of these. Through that, we gave satan a foothold to steal from us and let us know that he was bringing the news as a point of accusation against us before God. So came guilt and remorse that still plagues me today. But because God is cool and works everything together for the good, we learned so much about each other, and I have grown to care for Charisma so much more.
One big, big lesson i'm realizing just now is that the adventure together has to keep going every day we're together. when the adventure stops, then satan can walk in and tempt. Charisma, can you think of times when we were not on an adventure together? and what became of that time? adventure means that the relationship is constantly moving forward too. I know now to rather seek to keep us on the adventure every day we're together!

I have also grown in my spiritual walk personally, and consequently all that has helped Charisma’s and my relationship abound even more. Christ is surely at the center.
I am not ignorant of the weapons against us, and I know even better that they shall not prosper. When I know that something in my mind is not of God but is an attack against something God is ordaining, I can speak rebuke against it in Jesus’ name and proclaim God’s Word to deflect the attack.

Yes, I do believe that families are under siege even before they are started. I feel it as a thorn in my flesh, but it has been a faithful thorn by God’s grace…He has taught me so much. I know that a relationship that is seeking God is one to hold onto, and so long as it does, only God should be the one to split the couple.

As for me, I feel I am seeing like God does about Charisma and our relationship as well as so much more in the world.
I can go about my day in restful peace that God is for me, for Charisma, and be elated in the fact that she is my girlfriend!

I believe in our relationship. I believe in Charisma. I believe that we are God's choice for each other.
I'm brave to say that, but really it just simplifies things because it makes our "yea, yea" for we believe that God's opinion is "yea."

Forward with faith!!

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Discerning God's will

I'm on lunch break on my fourth day of work at my new job at Dynamic Aviation. I hope my fingers will fly as fast as my thoughts are so i can get everything down on time...
Today i felt led to fast from all foods, as has been on my mind for the last few weeks. Something has been weighing in my spirit that i really need to hear from God about once and for all, so here i am fasting my way into God's presence to ask His will because i beleive that when I fast, i talk to God and hear from Him too in a special way.
I felt that the issue, which will go unmentioned, was serious enough to seek some real help from God, as people in general just have their own opinions and we all know that God has the final word anyway.
What has been weighing on my soul is God's will concerning issue X, we'll call it. I'm getting contradicting convictions about issue X, and the more i try to arrive at a resolution, the more i get frustrated, and the more i try to fight the conviction i DO NOT want to be there, the harder i have to try, either because i'm facing it with the wrong heart and weaponry, or it's staying there and prevailing because God wants it to be. So i'm searching out the will of God concerning this.
i spent my first five hours of work today just sitting by myself cleaning aircraft parts. lots of personal space, lots of think-time, going back and forth 'God is this your will or is That Your will, and why, Why, WHY would it be one or the other?' i don't like at all when i have some tugging towards an action, and no Why explanation comes tied to it; many times i find i just have to do it, then i'll know Why. however, from this same heart has come tuggings to do harm and to do good. So maybe issue X is just some great exaggeration of the 'doing harm' tug. then again, it could be a 'do this thing' and i'll know why it was good Afterwards.
So, God, what is Your will?? I don't know why, i don't know what will come of my decision of Issue X, and i don't know if Your punishment and discipline is again on its way if i do not comply with this unrelenting (but albeit, to me, resented) nudge.

In a sharp moment of epiphany, it occured to me that the word 'Will' implies a future-tense. We fear God's will because we haven't seen what it brings; God has a will for a certain situation, and if we follow it, result A occurs, and if we don't then result B occurs.
However--- and this is important --- however, nothing happens that is NOT God's will, right ? So we have a choice to do what is in our minds as being God's Will, but coming from thought processes fallible and hearts often misdirected by temptation and Satan's snares along our way...doing God's will in a situation where the right deicision is unclear becomes something of an enigma.
So...what else do we know about God's will? I think this is the kicker: God works in accordance with what He wills, but He has protocol for how He works, and these protocols are His Ways. And i think we can know His ways because they're printed all over the Bible.
I'm almost out of time here.....
The difference between God's nudging and satan's temptations and lies are the same as the difference between God's ways and satan's ways.

Let's look at God's ways....
Phil. 4:8 "whatsoever is true, noble, just, pure, lovely, good report, virtuous or praiseworthy, think on these things"
Psalm ? - All the paths of the Lord are mercy and truth
John - For God so LOVED the world that He Gave is One and only Son...
Romans 8 - There is therefore NO condemnation
Romans 8 - The Spirit intercedes..Christ sits at God's right hand interceding for us...it is God who justifies

God is the builder, restorer, forgiver, caretaker, lover, healer, hope-giver, life-maker, joy-filler.

So what WILL God do? Look above...

Let's look at satan's ways...
"the tempter comes to KILL, STEAL and DESTROY.
"he wanders around like a ROARING lion, seeking whom he may DEVOUR"


The sum of the matter, then, is to abide in God's ways, and to generate a thought environment that refuses to process any whims of destruction of ANYTHING. If it's killing, stealing or destroying - and these come in oh SO many flavors - then it ought not be in your mind. And you ought not DO it. And that is what is NOT God's will.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

new job, day two

quick update here...

on the maintenance floor today, hung out with Philip Wright and talked about marriage/life/Charisma

dumped solvent in a tank where it wasn't supposed to go, got cussed at (jokingly i think) by Dave Pettit. thought about how Charisma might have reacted.

Got to know Dave Pettit, quite A character. his antics distract me from missing Charisma.

helped inside the Christophel's garage which is being built. thought about how i'm developing skills and work ethic God wants in me to be a better person for ... Charisma

shoot, ill just say it..
I MISS CHARISMA!!!

Monday, August 13, 2007

three months

The first day of my ew work set behind a very colorful and joyous and dramatic past and brough tme into a solemn reality that life isnt' all a bed of roses when it exlude someone very important to my sould. I am at the place I've dreamt fo for the last ten years, and it is just like I imagined. Thi is where I belong, yes, and this is the place I would crave, and if I were to leave it, I would mis it as if it were meant for me. I woul be satisfied here.
But then omeoe steppedd onto the story of my life three months ago, and my worl was changed. W spent most of the time during those three months together, except fo a whole three weeks lacking ehr presence. Viriia was a dream I knew possible ut Charisma was a relationship impossible to dream. God has brough such wonderful things to me through Charisma, and has spoke to my heart ruths that coul be understood only through Hs design of our relationship. He is workign in me in ways I feel too littl eand too weak to cooperate with, but without His challenges, a vital season of my life woul not come to pass.
I realize that the enemy is in the usiness of destroying marriages and the family, adn that there is a spiritual warfare happening right now as Charisma's and my relationship lay down roots. From mmy standpoint, thsi is not an easy batle. I fel the discouragemet and the conflict an the lie swarming and dive-bombing every piece of open flesh not guarded by the shield of faith. Also, whe I have let down my sword of the Wod of God from workign on the offensive, I feel the warm closing in for the strike.
Having a relationship where Gods will and pleasure is the goal certainly diesn't sign one up or a life of uninterrupted bliss. Keeping up my role as a godly boyfriend isnt easy. Leading our relationship by the pure motives, thoughts and attitudes...isn't easy. Bt what a privilege it is for God to give m this woman in my life and appoint me, a fallible, selfish at heart man, to be the oe to encourage her sanctifiation, understand her heart, and to team with her to be the model of the realtionship of the Godhead! I need prayer daily for wisom and viion and faith that this relatinhip is growing and establihed by God' design. Yet it is not I that can accomplish this but God's favor and blessing.
So here' the point I intende thi entry to convey when i started. I am very glad fro all that is in my life now. I'm in Virginia, I mean, life is perfect, right Yet, loneliness is the song of my heart. I beg to be transported into the future so I can be with Charisma agai. Virginia doesn't seem complete without her, either. Yet, I understand that this is only the beginning.
We hope for a day when seeing each other is as easy as going home.
But for now, dear, I miss you.
Lord, haste the day when I can see my sight for sore eyes again.

---August 13, 2007---
---three months since seeing into the eyes of she who has moved my soul---

Radar

Thursday, August 09, 2007

missing Charisma and so much more!

With the Dawn of a new chapter in my life quickly approaching, part of me shies away and clutches to the past - oh how sweet were the times with Charisma! how i wish i could have those days back so i could enjoy again - no, enjoy with deeper passion, greater zest, greater appreciation! The quality what I have i don't realize until it's over. But at least i realize it now, and the next time i have with Charisma i want to go with settled joy that my hours with her are quite possibly the best of my life. How amazingly fantastic are my times with her as i remember them!
i recall the day i came back to Tyler and met Charisma after my very long day of flying and dealing with potentially flight-jeopardizing mechanical issues. i was late in returning to her that Sunday afternoon, but the rest of that evening, i felt all over a sold-out, enthusiastic joy just to be with her. Every memory i have of our being together i now feel the same way about. (Golly, i took so much for granted when i was with her; so distracted! but we have been learning so much in those times too - all time together is not for pure enjoyment; it is our growing time too, which is hard in passing through but in the end is so sweet) My sentiment is that this is the kind of good life i want to hold onto for however long my life goes on. This relationship with Charisma is that good life.
She is a precious gift from God that He has been giving to me daily since April 30.

So, if you haven't noticed, I'm crazy about Charisma, and I'm hoping that God will continue making her a daily gift to me for a long long time to come.









Saturday, August 04, 2007

A man named Christopher

I went on one last jog today because it was my last full day in San Diego. I dressed up, stuck my keycard and a $20 bill in my pocket in case i needed it, and left to see the sights on the walking trail. But this story isn't about the HMS Surprise used in Master and Commander...
Nor is it about the oldest sailing ship still on the seas...
Nor about getting to see the USS Midway up close...
...but about a man named Christopher, who i believe i was sent to bless today.
During the jog to see the ships shown above, i noticed homeless people sitting on benches about every other1/4 mile. and few of you know my compassion on homeless people- it digs into my heart to witness such depravity rampant in my surroundings. poor people who can hardly help themselves, and i can only sympathize about what may be happening in their minds. are they filled with regrets of the past? are they worried about where their next meal is coming from? are they sunk in boredom and desperate for time to speed up? has their mind just switched off? whatever the case, i just wish i could get them someplace to stay, something to do, someone to love. i feel impulsive to give homeless people my money because they obviously need it more than i do, and i always feel this way when i pass by one. but debating against my heart is my reason, telling me that the money i give might go to booze or drugs. "i could give in faith to some random person" i hear inside. "or i could give with reasonable faith" i hear also. so i'm praying these things out, and on the way back to the hotel I decide I'm going to give that money away. so i'm looking for someone in whom to have reasonable faith.
i passed by several just sitting on benches reading a newspaper or staring off into oblivion, but i had no tug in my conscience for any of them. Then, about a mile from my hotel, i saw a guy in the distance dumpster-diving for plastic bottles and depositing them in a black bag. i espied a couple worn-out vehicles not too far from the dumpster, so i figured he was with one of them. As i passed him by, i said "that's a good way to get some extra cash." he replied, "yeah, it's not the best way but it works." as i got to the other side of him, i noticed by his feet a duffel bag and a rolled-up sleeping bag, which cued me in to his situation. I ran a very thought-rich dozen steps, during which time my conscience rolled the entire parable of the talents (Matthew 25), where God says to the wise servants, "you have been faithful in few things: now i will make you ruler over many things." And i also heard, almost audibly, 'this is the guy you need to give to."
so i went back to him, asked him if he needed money, and of course humbly admitted he did and graciously received my $20, and assured me that he wouldn't waste it but will use it on bathroom stuff 'tonight' and other stuff he needs. i learned quite a bit about him: his birthday is September 17, he came to believe in Christ as his savior on September 18 last year, he was just last year become homeless, and his name is Christopher Harper. I got a picture of us, and he had us make 'peace' signs with our hands in the picture. he said goodbye and "God bless you" over and over , and i walked away to into new threshold of joy and happiness. I recalled another part of Matthew 25, "whatever you do unto the least of these, you do also unto Me." then the details started lining up: Christopher - kinda like Christ; Harper - angels in heaven (Revelation 14:2; 15:2); peace sign - one of Christ's ministries on earth.
i would be thrilled to know that i met an angel today. I ran away for a couple minutes before turning back to see if he were still behind me. He was . i guess God's going to have my mystified until heaven.

Friday, August 03, 2007

San Diego: exploring day


At some point in every good journey should be a time of relaxation and reward. Right now I am in Balboa Park, at a restaurant called the Prado. It's in a very serene and luxurious area decorated ith plm and fig trees and flowers all around. The restaurant is one of several establishments surrounding a central open-air court with a fountain and pool in teh middle.
i set out this afternon on a 3-mile walk to the San Diego Aerospace museum, with natural expectations to just get there. But I soon discovered that the journey there was really the highlight of the afternoon. I strolled by exotic California flowers, friendly people who smiled when they passed, a beautiful view of the San Diego Bay and skyline. Occasionally an airliner would fly a couple hundred feet overhead on final into runway 27 at SAN.

a couple steep hills challenged my pace, but what most slowed me was the impulse every several minutes to pull my camera out to take pictures of sign or flowers or landmarks or buildings. Then I got into Balboa Park, introduced by a grand archway and continuing on to a whole different culture than that of the city outside.
I meandered through the park trying to find a certain road to lead me to the Aerospace museum, and encountered a welcome diversion into the lovely flowerbeds, an amphitheater, a Japanese garden and many other lovely scenes along the way. The museum was situated just so that tourists can watch airplanes flying behind the museum on their final into SAN. The museum was nothing remarkable, just a check off the list compared to other museums I've been to. My present listing of aviation museums i've visited:

Dayton Air Force museum in Dayton, Ohio
Smithsonian Institute Air museum, Washington, D.C. mall
Smithsonian Institute Air museum, Dulles airport, Washington, D.C.
Naval Air Museum in Pensacola, Florida
Air Force Academy museum in Colorado Springs, Colorado
Evergreen Air Museum in Portland, Oregon (home of the Spruce Goose)
Flight of the Phoenix Museum in Gilmer, Texas
San Diego Aerospace Museum in San Diego, California


Wednesday, August 01, 2007

San Diego: first full day

As a result of spending a couple hours siting next to a pool barechested against the California sun, I have effectively burned a red stain onto my only slightly-protected front side. Worst of all, it hurts, man! my left foot even got burned. note to self: California sun unforgiving ,must layer the tanning lotion! I've seen a few twists to the norm this last 24 hours. After my quiet time this morning, i popped in a pair of contact lenses and spent the next 3 hours not seeing quite like I normally do. I supposed my eyes were just tired because i couldn't focus on distant object, nor were my eyes focusing quickly from near to far. When I went into the bathroom to get some mouthwash, i felt curious enough to look in my contact case, which was in my travel bag, just to make sure I put in my own contacts. Well, my contacts were still in my case, which meant that those in my eyes were my sister's! I had just picked up the wrong case. I was relieved: my body isn't breaking down after all!
Another surprise came when, yesterday, the girl from my previous relationship showed up on Facebook, added me as a friend, and wrote a message to me. Appropriately, in our friend detail, she stated "we were in a relationship ,but now we're not talking."

Rosanna and i came back to our room and she noticed a couple doors down a tray of dishes and food waiting to be pick up by room service. She walked over to it and picked of a a couple tasty herb tortilla chips. "These are good!" she exclaimed. "try one!" I looked around secretively and got myself a bite of the chips. I noticed a pizza box under the plate with th etortillas and opened it up to find half acheese pizza still in it. "well, get get it!" Rosanna said. So she and I enjoyed a free dinner tonight, courtesy of our unwary but wasteful neighbors.

A bridge under repair in Minneapolis collapsed today, and an eyewitness had this to say on a CNN interview:
"Construction workers were just kinda standing around with blank faces on their look."

it's alright, buddy, i flip my words sometimes too!