had a talk

i got to talk alot to Angela this afternoon because she was bored sitting in LAX on a layover. and i'm glad she called me. she was a willing listener, and for some reason i felt like i should keep talking. it was quite good for me, so thanks, Angela. thanks for letting me divulge what's been stirring in my mind that i usually don't get to share with anybody. how i miss a captive audience!
i am aware that i am one of those bottled-up people who comes out only in reaction to an external stimulus. as i grow up, i think i'm becoming more and more this way. no, it's not going to get me anywhere socially, and to spout my fears, i beleive some friendships are eroding because of me. i consider Josh, Randy, Angela, my own sister, Brian, Daisy...guarantee they've all noticed a difference. i just am not quick and interesting in conversation like i used to be, supposedly. perhaps the most persuading evidence is that i'm not pursued for it anymore. so few people come or write to me to just talk, and when they do, i can't help but sense that they go away so...unsatiated.
as a Christian, i guess i shouldn't crave so longingly for this- approval? attention? affection? whatever. or is it that i should't need the craving so much? When my heart is close to God, my earthly needs seem to deflate in proportion, yet when i am on that slippery slope away from Him, i feel i need more and more what is not Himself in the world.
such banter.
the instructor-student assignments are underway as i write. i have learned of two of my students so far. one of them i know (Adam Alonzo), and the other, in primary flight, is a girl. Her name is Leanne. I would be enthusiastic except for precedent. I beleive that she's a brilliant young lady and a promising flight student. But since history is the best teacher, I know that i'm going to have difficulty with her. for whatever reason (everyone is different) starting on a sour note is just inevitable; i seem to just have some major chemistry issues with girls who are my students. i will try to avoid conflict at all costs with Leanne and pray my way through each day. i don't know what it will take, but we have to begin right.
i'm presently reminded of the fervent prayers i have submitted to God for my students. all will be well.

meanwhile, i'm enjoying my last days of relative quietness and serenity. this place is about to come alive with students, and whether or not i am ready for it will be proven.
one thing about reality is that it melts away all wondering.

on Freshman girls

in the next couple weeks, several new freshmen LeTourneau girls will inevitably fall into the net of some flashy upperclassmen who think they have it all together and can bring the girls into protective arms of care and affection.
then, inevitaby several of those relationships will meltdown and several of those girls will find a new guy a mere weeks later. i pity their hearts.
i just see it coming.
-switch topics-
i'm looking for a relationship with an older girl. by older, i mean my age and older. one who's out of school and doing her craft somewhere. but i even don't quite approve of that scenario either. in fact, not too many relationship setups appeal to me except the very easiest: nice girl i work with or go to church with, she's just like me, we click, we like each other, we get married, our lives mesh and everything is painless.
When considering a girlfriend, Money is always in the same frame of thought. "do you know how expensive she'd be??" i query me.
in college that's not how i thought.
even to go see my parents is costly.
to go anywhere is costly.
to know anyone is costly.
to try and develop a love relationship over distance and over time=costly.
at this time, when money is so tight, i can't help but evaluate every activity as in/out cash flow.
not that money is more important than being in love.
but it's essential. Essential. and i don't have enough of that essential stuff to support a relationship with.
i didn't think this way in college.
maybe i shouldn't be thinking this way. perhaps a relationship can transcend the need for money somehow.
never heard that one before.

time to let that one go. good night and happy Friday

maybe i'll be back at this again

Hi everyone-
or should i say Hi my one and only Elmo b/c you're prob the only one reading this or noticed that i stopped writing. oh well. so what should i write about? these days have been nice and uneventful. i've had about zero stress this week. that's why it's been nice. i get to sleep in til 6:45 every day, go swim and work out for 45 mins, and get in to my office around 9:15 where i do stuff other than getting ready for my students (shame onme). some days i have a meeting on campus.
i've been practicing the piano extra because i'm trying to learn a piece that is very important to me: Beethoven's 5th on the piano. it's going quite well. in fact, i'll cut my writing shorter so i can go practice it before dinner.
money's kinda tight. i'm making a small salary right now, but the most recent paycheck was sent to the wrong account, so i'm keeping a close eye on the little money i do have in my checking.
I really don't have anything profound to say right now. sorry to be so shallow on my re-debut. hopefully i'll make a small habit of this and say something more substantial in the future.