Romans 8:28

all things do work out together for His purpose!

How i got to where I am today:
Didn't have CFII so didn't stay in Alaska as a CFI
didn't get instructing job at Peoria
Lost job in Peru
Mr B needs instructor, wrote me up

What is down at LeTu for me
multi, PIC and IFR time
almost-free housing
original ortho
friends
familiar system
pianos
airplanes
disciplined students


What may not be at LeTu for me
the perfect girl
full-body air conditioner
vertical-hung stoplights
Crossroads church
infinite food


Who i promised to keep in touch with while i'm there (address, phone)
Fields
Howertons
Sunghee

Walk On

Dear friends, this is probably my last installment from the current location of "home" before Time scoops me up and delivers me to a place called Texas. A season of easy-going, discovery and planning is come to a close, and i can say that albeit a terrific opening, end has been sweet.
So far, i've enjoyed very memorable time with the people who mean the most to me. On Friday, i spent a few hours at Wendy Miller's house helping her and her husband Greg pack and move. For those of you who don't know Wendy--i'm certain that would make ALL of you -- she's a lady whose God-given inner beauty just radiates. She has the 'law of kindness' on her lips, and she's habitually in a positive and fun demeanor. Her three daughters Mallory, Meagan and Maisy are the most adorable as can be. What she said to me that was memorable is a response to one of my words of gratitude; "it's not me" was her reply to my thanks for her kindness. That's gotta be true, too, if the Spirit is really living in me. I try to be kind, loving, patient, sometimes by coersion, and it's in trying that i fail miserably because those values are not of me; they're of God. When i am around people like Wendy Miller, Brenda Howerton and Emily Field I see people who say in their hearts, "God, it's my will to be loving, kind, gentle; meet me here and work through me." and in loving, we are loved; in blessing, we are blessed; in nurturing, we are nurtured. The hand that gives a rose cannot but smell of the aroma too.
On Saturday my dad drove DJ and me to the Museum of Science in Industry in Chicago-my sixth trip to Chi-town this year. The museum has undergone many modifications since the first time i remember it. A couple things that have not changed are the IMAX theatre and the airplane displays. The IMAX is, of course, the best TV screen ever created because it's shaped like a dome and fills up your entire visual field. The very first movie i saw in it was a production called Blue Planet, when I was in 2nd grade. I wrote my very first real journal entry on that show. One detail you might find interesting is what through my head when i experienced this IMAX theatre back then. I thought walking through the sequential strobe-light hallway leading to the theatre was a simulation of travelling warp-speed through space to get to a different planet. The effect was nearly real, because when i saw the theatre with its big concave screen i felt in a different place. The movie itself brought me bigger-than-life images of other countries and space images. As I watched the Africa space footage, i felt lighter in my seat and imagined that if I jumped toward the screen, i'd fall through space and land in some desert and have to walk back to Chicago somehow.
Older and wiser now, hopefully, I am aware that jumping toward a video screen will not take me to Africa, but i can still be captivated by a place without actually being there. Yesterday we saw a documentary on Greece, since the LeTourneau group went there on the trip before mine to Egypt. The footage of flying along the rocky shores of the Mediterranean were spectacular. I got the feeling back as if I were in the plane flying low and dodging rocks, as i did in Alaska. I smiled alot.

Today was very, very blessed. I woke up knowing what was going to happen in general, but God unfolded the rest of the goodness by the hour. Rachel Howerton and her family had invited me to lunch, so before Crossroads i got some of Ellen Field's cookies from the freezer and ran over to Walmart and bought Welch's white grape juice for lunch and a bag of Starbuck's decaffeinated morning blend as a gift for Rachel and Abby. On the way to Crossroads I was thinking, and an old lesson revived right then. You know, from the first minute of the day, i set out to enjoy being with the Howertons and make our time together something to remember. Then i recalled from a sermon that if we are to have enjoyment to the fullest of God or anything, we will praise that which we want to enjoy. I tell ya, it works! And if we are to remember a moment, we will give something in that moment. I decided on a dime in Walmart that i would buy some of Abby and Rachel's favorite stuff: coffee. Why? Because in addition to expressing my praise of them, i was also guaranteeing myself a memory of them. I must give something to a moment for that moment to be given to me.
Anyway, lunch was great, the company was fabulous, and i was just blessed to be in this time again with the howertons. Even though i keep coming back to them, they take me back as a friend just as if i belong. I have subconsciously tacked on my back "Failed to Launch" for the past year because i'm still legally living at home, and though i leave alot and suggest permanent Awayness, i always have come back. Those people who have said "keep in touch" find themselves me literally doing that, then i leave again and come back again and i play mindgames of these people saying "don't you stay away?" I don't know if this is the tempter suggesting lies, but it does contribute to my feeling uneasy; i am 'underneath expectation.'
Moving along...i then washed the dishes after lunch and helped take some of their belongings to our vehicles; the Howertons are moving. I thought it a crisis at first because the Howertons and their home was an icon of Bloomington; there I fell in love with Rachel and her family, and they became to me the model family unit. Nourishment, nurture, peace and belonging are all synonyms of the Howerton home, and up til now I associated the family with the home. But i realize today that the home will move with the family, and though i will miss their petite, lovely house, their spirit will move with them into their new house and soon it will feel like one in the same.
Oh, their new house is amazing.
Much to my surprise, Abby came to Bloomington today! She decided yesterday to come, after telling me earlier in the week that she was not. I was very glad to see her again. I'm also relieved that i experienced no emotional, romantic attachment to her. I joined her at her parents' house shortly after i unpacked stuff into the Howerton's new house, and as usual i was treated with aviation-speak with Mike and delicious fruit and cookies from Ellen (Mrs. Field). I've received a volume of encouragement from Mike in respect to my career. He remembers so much from his flying days and from the Navy, and he expresses that what i'm getting into is a good thing and he's very proud of what i'm doing.
I wonder sometimes if God had planned for me to meet Abby so that i may meet her parents too.
Emily gave me 1.5 doz of her peanut butter-chocolate chip cookies -fuel for my drive tuesday- and the family gave me a warm farewell as did the Howertons.
After i left the Fields', i drove to ISU to pickup Sung-hee and take her home, and she invited me to Mandarin Garden restaurant for dinner. That was a very unexpected blessing.

I'm thinking now about dating. I know the kind of girl who would be a compatible dating personality for me:
she will enjoy just spending quality time together and not necessarily the 'how' of it. I love quality time. I loved going to Kroger and the mall with Abby because I was with her. I loved helping Wendy and the Howertons pack because i was with them. I loved painting Jonathan's house and getting dirty as a pig because I was with him. I'm not a good conversationalist nor entertainer, but i relish the presence of some people. and that's the kind of person i need to find.

i've been thinking about my past as an irretrievable scapegoat. one example of my failing memory happened today. i was walking near the piano the Howerton's basement where I saw sheet music for the sacred piece "Praise my soul" Scanning the first page, it occurred to me that the music was familiar to me. I felt impulses in my hands as if a tune i'd taught them were reawakening. But i couldn't remember when or for what I learned the piece. SO I asked Rachel when she came down, and she told me I played that piece for her and for chapel once. But i could not remember ! it was so characteristic of the issue of my deteriorating memory.
Fortunately, the scapegoat came back today. I found my collection of journals and letters that I both wrote (then copied) to friends and also received from them. These letters date back to 1997, so I get to have nearly nine years of Past to get brushed up on.
One of those letters was written in May 2001 by Rachel. For Rachel, it was malicious and discomfited me at the time. But as I read it tonight for the last time, I realized how complex an issue i created for myself back then. Now, being older and wiser, hopefully, I know precisely what I would have done. "Rachel, i'm crazy for you and you've captivated me out of my own dimension. What do you feel? " Total honesty is what we needed. Total honesty or nothing. To live with less is too much hassle. And what does Usen say about hassle? You're not meant to be involved if it's too much of that.
Rachel asked me awhile ago to destroy that letter, so i read it for the last time, crumpled it up a little, burned it a little, soaked it a little, and disposed of it inside a little sandwich bag.

Submit yourselves one to another!

quotes

Careers are the avenues by which God brings individuals to His children so the former can partake of His love.
-me

The way to happiness: keep your heart free from hate,
your mind from worry. Live simply, expect little, give much.
Fill your life with love. Scatter sunshine. Forget self, think
of others. Do as you would be done by. Try this for a week
and you will be surprised. -Norman Vincent Peale

Friends and inspirations

One best friend from LeTourneau wrote me last week and told me he had 'news'. These days, 'news' from my close friends usually is synonymous with 'i found a girl and i like her alot.' Such was the case for Michael. He met a brilliant young lady who's the lead singer and violinist for a small Christian band. She jives with the concept of courting, so that's what they're doing. Michael feels she is the One. Well that is one of my prayers answered, so i'm glad for him. He's quite infatuated by this girl, but as he echoed, it is a reasonable infatuation. My infatuation for girls, especially those previous, has been unreasonable although i'm proud i was there. Tim Harbeck said to me one afternoon at a shindig at Dwayne King's that he envies me for feeling the way I did for Daisy. I mean, he envied me for being capable of possessing that feeling, as if his own is unexcitable.
Speaking of envy: i've been surrounded by unlikely encouragers this year. As i've experienced the various phases of meeting Abby's parents, meeting Sunghee, and joining OfficeMax, I've heard many times over that my abilities and privileges are envied by those who don't have them. I adimately concur with them too, because in recalling the feelings that nagged me after i got sent away from the pipeline patrol, i sense that flying is a privilege and pleasure not to be taken for granted. For weeks in the wake of that bitter January day, i supposed that i was hardly good enough to be near airplanes, much less fly them. But i've since taken a turn for the better, and i bring out a lesson from that which is worthwhile. More on that later.
Michael Field says that he sometimes wonders where he'd be if he followed through with his flying goals. Although i can't seem to ever formulate the words when i'm with him, my response to him is that he should be content with his taking another career path because he has spared himself much hassle and raised a fabulous, God-honoring family. I am proud of him for that.
--------
Today came a rare occasion: An inspiration came to me. And it arrived at the almost-usual place: the shower. As I go back to leTourneau, I wonder what will I be and who I will be. I was the hesitant, nervous, yet diligent and minute-detail trainee as I came up through the program. I hit my low points-- redesigned the Duchess checklist and, while using it on a cross-country, neglected to lean the engines and landed with sub-LeTourneau minimum fuel; i took forever to get through the MEI curriculum; i finished practically every rating at the very last minute. But i also hit some high points along the way. I created a little book on the said Duchess that has proven an invaluable knowledge aid to myself and many other pilots; I built a small scale model of the Duchess out of balsa wood, also a valuable training aid; I received an A on my CFI notebook; and I passed the initial CFI checkride on the first attempt. I felt under some unstated expectation that I was supposed to do the pilot and become the pilot, too. Just do it so intensely that the pilot figure becomes my identity. And as I accomplished a bigger step each year, I would come home with a chip on my shoulder. "Me pilot. Me multiengine pilot. Me instrument pilot. Me flight instructor!" Then it was "Me Alaska pilot. Me have job as pilot!"
And at that point, you all know what happened. Gone. Fired. Insufficient. Unadult. Worthless.
Since then has come to me one of the most important lessons that sinks into the mind of a follower of Christ. Nothing in this earth is worthy of your attaching your identity to it. Only One is worthy of that, and He is our Jesus our redeemer. He offered all he had as a symbol of what you are worth, and now I am infinitely valuable because of His infinite love for me. To attach my identity to anything of this earth is futile because the heavens and the earth will pass away but His righteousness stands forever. Upon the truth of His lovingkindness I place my value; if I am desired by my very Creator, then being accepted by anyone else matters nil. This frees a person to really live his place in the kingdom of God.
As a flight teacher, i would like to introduce my students to their aviation careers by sharing my testimony and confronting them with challenges that will, hopefully, direct them wisely through the flight program.
1. As i discussed above, don't get your identity from being a pilot. Not only do you lose your fixation on Christ but Satan can also use this as a snare bigtime to make you feel worthless in your low seasons.
2. The interim between flight lessons should consist of the following elements: Reinforcement, Refreshment and Preparation. Reinforce what was taught in the lesson by constructive practice in the skills, knowledge and mental discipline. Then get refreshed by getting away from the subject by means of physical activity, a nice meal and plenty of sleep. Then prepare for the coming lesson by looking ahead and anticipating what is expected of you next.
3. You involved yourself in flying in college so that you may use your privileges for the rest of your life. Put the firstfruits of your energies to this cause. Don't allow anything else in school to take precedence over flying. Know that when it is time to fly, unless outside factors prohibit, it is time to fly. You'll notice many spiritual figures in flying, and one figure to note here is that the time to fly is like the moment to come when we will rise with Christ to meet Him in the clouds.
4. Study, schedule and fly with alertness and vigor.
5. Always try to be unlocking ways to simplify your life.
-------

Well i've written enough.
Goodnight

Odyssey quote

"Your soul is worth the life of Jesus Christ. To give it to anyone else is an incredible waste.
--Jack Allen,
Adventures in Odyssey vol. 25

Death, Fear, Pleasure

God created us with both temporal and eternal components, and death is the point when we got ousted from the temporal self and fully take upon the eternal.

Why do we fear? Consider this: when you fear, your mind generates a prediction of the future. Since that prediction is normally one to dread, it is unpleasurable. To fear is unpleasurable. Nevertheless, we keep fearing because we feel secure in knowing the future. So while harboring fear inflicts so much agony, the tradeoff is a sense of security. I'm having a little fear struggle right now. Leaving Bloomington soon for Longview I am afraid i won't like being away. But all the thought i've put into this decision has involved Godly fear, too. Godly fear is knowing that God has the future in His hands and that He is the master manipulator of all things that are and are to come. In his plan I am secure, and not the plan tailored by my corrupt imagination.

Angela and I talked last night, among other points, about drugs in her school. We who do not have interest in drugs are baffled by those who do. But the presence of that craving in those individuals' minds reveals to us what horrible consequenses the original sin had on man's entire being. In the blink of an eye, mankind turned his pursuit of pleasure from God to himself, and satan was afforded free reign to our mind in providing us the possibilities to find pleasure apart from God. Our temporal nature is pleased, but our eternal is not, hence people become locked into the here and not the hereafter.
When death comes to such a person who lived mindfully of the flesh and to the temporal, he is ushered off into eternal separation from God because he didn't want him in the first life; why would he want Him in the eternal life? Along with the separation from God comes separation from all the pleasures he knew as a human because, after all, they were just distortions of the eternal catering to the distorted craving of the flesh.

God, i need you and seek you. Take away from me fear and desire for earthly pleasure.

($9/hour for part-time work at LeTourneau)

A belated Valentine

They'd call it craziness to...

like without being liked
give without being given to
write without being written to
call without being called
know without being known
brag without being bragged on
seek without being sought

...but this is what it is to be chosen;
This is what it means to be loved.

Know that you are,

a couple important letters to post here

Got the first on Thurs and the second today.

Ok, Jonathan. Everything is in order and you can start as soon as you can get here next week. Just let me know. I’ll be great to have you here again.

MrB

---

Jonathan

There will be some standardization but that should only take a few days. 1^st we’ll determine what students you’d get, then we’d standardize you in the airplane and syllabus you’d be teaching first. The rest of the standardization can happen when needed then. You’d be given a load of students fairly quickly.

I’ll let Mr. Ritchey answer your questions about pay and how that works. He can tell you how much, etc. I can tell you that you will get paid for the standardization, whenever you’re at work you are being paid and standardization is part of that.

MrB

From home-at least today

Well, the day on which i re-embark on my great drama/adventure is imminent. You can be sure that, come June, i will be complaining about the heat, but i ought not be complaining about where I am or what I'm doing. Clearly, my life is a puzzle, and Texas is where all the pieces are fitting together at this time.
Mr. Bitikofer wrote me yesterday, while i was cutting drywall at Jonathan's house, with the news that the paperwork authorizing my entry is complete.
So the time ahead is one like taking last glances at a dream before it melts away into brilliant reality. I know today is one i cannot come back to.
But who can fear the next step, if it is surely in the direction of my heavenly Home?

Author: my sister?

The following poem is published on my sister Rosanna's IM profile, and after reading it for the first time tonight, i just sat back amazed. It was written by Relient K, and it's another one of their songs with which i closely identify. It helps to know that God IS Love-that is the truest statement in existence. Believing God means that we must accept Love also. as written in Blue Like Jazz, we have the hardest time accepting love. Can i imagine what would be my state of mind three weeks from now if I continually believed that i am loved by the only One whose love is really relevant to me? I would be much better off, for certain.



When I made up my mind
And my heart along with that
To live not for myself But yet for God, somebody said
Do you know what you are getting yourself into?

When I finally ironed out all of my priorities
And asked God to remove the doubt
That makes me so unsure of these
Things I ask myself, I ask myself
Do you know what you are getting yourself into?

I'm getting into You Because you got to me,
in a way words can't describe
I'm getting into You Because I've got to be
You're essential to survive
I'm going to love you with my life Jesus

When he looked at me and said I view you as a daughter And for a second our eyes met
And I met that with a question......
Do You know what You are getting yourself into God?

I've been a liar and I'll never amount to
The kind of person you deserve to worshipYou.
You say You will not dwell on what I did but rather what I do... you say I love you and that's what you are getting yourself into.

for Randy

Randy wrote last week about guys and our predisposition to work. i thought of you-us, rather- when i got this quote today..

A man is relieved and happy when he has put
his heart into his work and done his best.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

praise!

What i'm about to report may be of no consequence, but i find it notable regardless. I called a flight school in Morris, Illinois (2 hours north of here, near Chicago) on Friday and sent them my resume, and this morning i was invited up for an interview. It's just nice of God to show me that i'm accepted in more aviation places than not.

Michael Field took this picture on Thursday

Cessna 69187, me and my 'pilot essentials': headsets, carrying case and booster seat :-)

Some reading to digest

In light of recent posts by Elmo and personal experience, i am compelled again to make this posting of a few of "Life's 25 Toughest Questions" as published in the latest Reader's Digest.

1. Can a man and a woman ever be just friends?
A. For a short time perhaps. Making the friendship last requires that you find each other at least vaguely repulsive. Good luck!

2. How do you know when to end a friendship?
A. As soon as you get that sneaking suspicion that it never really began.

3. Why do we turn into our parents when we swore we wouldn't?
A. Because really, when all is said and done, we admire them.

4. Does money really buy happiness?
A. No. Because happiness isn't for sale. Many people get tripped up by this one, amassing wealth only to find themselves cycling into a bottomless pit of unsatisfiable yearning. Turns out, joy and misery are not that far apart when it comes to very big wads of cash...When it comes to happines, only people you love, and who love you, can bring it. If you have enough dough to buy yourself a luxurious yacht, but no real friends to sail with, you're sunk.

Value of Confidence

I've been doing alot of praying these days while driving around in my 1995 "Chick Magnet" red Escort wagon. As i was pulling out of the Papa Murphy's parking lot today with my dinner, i asked God what He would tell another person about my present state. The words that proceeded to enter my mind were, "be gentle with him, now; he's feeling in a funk and his confidence is as thin as paper."
Well, those are not the sort of words i'm used to hearing when i sit still and let God speak to me, but true words they were.
So tonight i continue on the subject of confidence. For my clencher story, I recall an encounter today with a customer at CopyMax. She walked up to me and dictated the specifics of her brochure. They registered in my head, and i began to process what i would charge for this project. Her long sighs and standing posture caused me to discern that this woman was irritible and impatient. Being a rookie at this work, I was immediately intimidated. My quoting her the wrong price didn't calm her down, of course. Luckily, my experienced coworker John was nearby to bail me out, and i went back by myself later and figured out the prices with no problem. Why couldn't i do that when i was with the lady? My assumption is because of my lack of confidence.
...
i used to chide at confidence, calling it disguised pride. Then i equated confidence with Comfort, and that's a fairly good definition. Tonight, i think confidence, to a follower of Christ, as faith that God, in that given moment, to empower and use me to love whatever and whoever it is I 'm facing. Confidence is not an issue of me. What good am I if i speak with tongues of angels but have not love? And how can i have love if not by the spirit of God dwelling and healthy in me? And how can i keep spiritually healthy except by partaking in regular, intimate fellowship with my Creator? Therefore, Christ must be my confidence.

Without confidence, satan can use people and situations to trample over me, and my ability to let love flow through me to them is shut off.

next post...

School

Last night, i was struck with the reality that i'm not out of school yet. My knowledge and skills are being constantly challenged and grown. After i graduated from LeTourneau, I got to learn flying in Alaska. Then I got to learn working in a landscape business. Then I got to learn pipeline patrol flying. Then playing wedding music on the piano and violin. Then demolition and restoration of old houses. Then CopyMax.
The trend is far from ending. Later i'll need to learn my next aviation work and each airplane and student involved. That verse from Proverbs i posted two weeks ago comes to mind. The one about getting instruction and finding life. I'm getting instruction from so many angles. But i'm concerned that i don't get enough time or practice with each so that i can settle into them. I can do alot of stuff, that's true, but the feeling of mediocrity haunts me constantly. I wonder what it's like to have my efforts channeled into two or three responsibilities and become good at them like Angela, Brian and Abby do. I have a notion that that day is coming: for everything there is a season.
Learning all the time does not come without guilt. I sympathize for those people and projects I err and learn from because i know they deserve better.

Positive quote of the day

What's the use of worrying?
It never was worth while.
So, pack up your troubles in your old kit-bag,
And smile, smile, smile.
-George Asaf (George H. Powell)

Blessed Busyness

This week has been nice and busy. It's been the kind of busyness that I love to wake up to. My best friend from high school, Jonathan Dassow, has an old house he needs to have restored by the 21st, so he's summoned me and my amateur building abilities to assist in the enormous project. The whole house is like a playground for my creativity. I have enormous responsibility, i.e., i'm heavily depended upon by my friend because he doesn't know how to do most of the stuff himself; yet i feel tremendous freedom because I know I can experiment and make mistakes and fix them and be self- instructed on how to change my methods for the next time. The greatest reward I receive from this work is getting to help and be with Jonathan. I can think of very few other ways to play the role of a friend than this. We met in high school and did everything together. We were even going to have parallel careers, but that didn't work out for him. Now he's getting married and moving into his own house. He always was the first in everything. And i was always behind him to cheer him on and give support. Here I am again, perhaps for the last time, too.
I made a determination to take flying those people who i had offered a ride to in the past. Now had to be the time because if i don't sieze the moment, i could find myself in Texas and regretting that i never fulfilled those promises. On Tuesday, my acquiantance Hawkins and I hopped in the little 152 to Lake Bloomington and back for a 25-minute flight. The next to go was Evan Fleming and Michael Field on Thursday. Evan and I flew around Lake Bloomington a bit, and on the return to the airport I went by our high school Alma Mater Calvary Baptist Academy and Evan's current college, Illinois State Univ. Evan got to see his house too as we were on downwind for runway 29. The time with Mr. Field was truly noteworthy. To save time, i wanted to use Runway 11 for takeoff, but Bloomington tower had me holding short for over five minutes waiting for a Malibu eight miles away on Runway 29. What's one to do? Well, Michael said he'd take that time to tell me that he'd decided to pay for the whole flight himself. I was taken by surprise, but man was that good news! He wanted to go land at Pontiac, 30 miles north-east of Bloomington. When we got there, he mentioned that he grew up in Pontiac and that if i followed the little river he'd see his old house. Back in Bloomington, again I intentionally entered left downwind for Runway 29 so that he could view the house he is living in today. I get nostalgic about going from Past to Present in one day. I bet he was thrilled, too. After our flight was over and i told him the cost, he gave me the money and told me that that was money very well spent.
This week has been very satisfying because I get to use what I love to give people a happy experience. I derive so much pleasure from seeing people enjoy flying; they smile for a long time afterwards.
I'm living as under the shadow of the inevitable. I do not know for certain when my time here will end. It could be next week, next month or in three months. Whatever the case, my experience here is transient. I'm passing through, and in what seems like tomorrow, Bloomington, Hawthorne Lake, Rachel, Abby, the Fields and Howertons, my family, Jonathan Dassow, Constitution trail, Panera's, Calvary, and all the rest will be a memory. The sentiment i wish to get with that memory is that I am proud of it all.
So, if I were the future me getting to relive now, what would I choose to do?
Take more friends flying? visit my grandparents more? work longer hours on Jonathan's house? hang out with friends more?

"Keep the heart with all diligence, for out of it are the issues of life." - Proverbs 4

Pics: happy passengers!

A 'lil one

A couple quotes came through my email today that i found intriguing.

Marriage is a relationship. When you make the sacrifice
in marriage, you're sacrificing not to each other but
to unity in a relationship. -Joseph Campbell

Failure is not failure to meet your goal.
Real failure is failure to reach as high
as you possibly can. No man will ever truly
know that he had succeeded until he experiences
an apparent failure. -Robert Schuller

i've got a hunch that the reason God isn't allowing the confirmation of a job at LeTourneau is that God is waiting for me to get ready to arrive there. so i emailed several friends tonight asking them for connections to people needing a roommate. and this week i'm trying to take all the people flying that i told awhile ago that i would. That includes you, Number 1, so i hope you can come over and stay with your family this weekend. I can tell when God is preparing a place for me to go; every issue at the place where i must depart has a perfectly beautiful, happy ending at the last minute.
My sister's ex-boyfriend has experienced a spiritual makeover which, as the present days have revealed, has been nothing short of radical. For me, it is a vivid testimony to the presence of Christ in us, the Mystery spoken of by Paul.
The more that the 'scientific' community glamorizes and expounds on the religion of Evolution, it appears increasingly nonsense and rediculous. I watched a couple documentaries produced by and presented on the National Geographic channel. They said that we are modified celestial cloud dust, man. And that our water is from the asteroid belt. And that oxygen in our atmostphere was generated by a species of O2-only-exhaling creatures that evolved from the sea. Ya know, not one theory has been concocted for how our spirits evolved. No rational person denies that this body has an indwelling soul. So where did our spiritual selves come from if not from a Spirit Origin who Himself is able to Create the physical realm ex nihilo?
Evolution 1:1 - In the beginning was Matter, and Matter is eternity and eternity is matter. Without matter, nothing was made that was made.
Truth 1:1 -In the beginning was the Word.

Weekend notes

Saturday: basically bummed around and wasted time. slept in, watched TV, didn't go outside and pitch b/c it was 25 degrees before windchill, looked at cars and shopped for food with Dad. Called Mr. Bitikofer and got news that the instructor approval should come through this week.

Dealing with some heavy personal/spiritual issues. I was up til 2:30 AM in the issue and deliberating, praying, and writing about it. It's one i have the greatest hesitation to bring before my friends and advisors because of the shock value it may impart. This is when i affirm Randy's conclusion that our best friends need to be those of like gender. Even then, it's hard to bring before a guy.
Last night i asked God to help me write in my journal, for my words were few. A spark came, and eventually i scribbled this at 2AM while half asleep and half awake:

1. Seek the Kingdom of God
2. Make the truth of God applicable to your life
3. Align priorities and be faithful to them
----If a choice threatens to collapse one of the three preoccupations above, it is not God's will -----

Sunday:
went on a date this afternoon. Not a DATE date, though. Sunghee and i spent the afternoon playing the piano then went to a Mozart music concert then to Starbuck's for a coffee. i payed for coffee and she payed for the concert. she likes to talk about American culture and people here. per my request, she contributed some constructive criticizm toward my playing. She would like my composure to be more relaxed and for my Classical genre pieces to sound more "attractive." Even with her limited range and understanding of English vocabulary, that advice was profound. she proposed that we have a lesson sometime.
Spent the Superbowl at DJ's house. Angela called me, but i missed her. I listened to only a part of her message. Perhaps i ought to have listened to all because she didn't answer my followup call just minutes after her own. Then i called Michael Field and arranged for a visit with him and Ellen on Wednesday evening, after over a month of not seeing them.
blablabla, too late to write any more.

Snippets

i gotta get up at 3:15 tomorrow, but i wanted to make a post featuring some meanderings. I wish that today i could have hooked a recorder to my brain to store my thoughts. good stuff-God stuff- just came to me.

I played Beethoven's 5th on the piano this afternoon. whenever i play it, i try and feel and picture the story it is telling. the story seems to switch every time, but today i beleive i have it right. the scene during the first eight notes is of "fate knocking at the door, " as Beethoven himself described. The few measures afterward express the initial reaction of the person at the other side of the door. although the knocks are few and short, he hears it as a suggestion, a threat. He is afraid, and like everybody's mind handles fear, it is embellished. The piece is about this guy's drama of the inevitable drawing near and announcing its presence, and in reluctance to accept it, the guy sinks deep into fear and worry for what his fate may be. In the end of the first movement, he is overcome by his own embellished portrait of what that fate may be. The second movement tells of his submission to and discovery of his fate, and by the third movement he's redeemed himself by some means and triumphed over his peril.

---the Christian music "Winter Jam 06" came to Bloomington today, and it was a blast when it was all said and done. there i really felt ministered to by some music, and i sensed God speaking to me on several occasions. The lead singer of Newsboys quoted Isaiah 53:1-11 on stage, and that was exemplary.
I was really encouraged to view people the way that God sees us. we each are amazing masterpieces of His creativity. we come into the world with a divine purpose as unique as we are, and satan would do all he can to misguide us into the meaningless so that we miss fulfilling our purpose.
---One line of a current Newsboys song is "and all the powers of darkness tremble at what they just heard; because all the powers of darkness can't drown out a single word, when all God's children sing 'Glory, glory, hallelujah, He reigns.' " i found that to be quite a profound reminder that my prayers cannot be stopped from getting to God except by the iniquity in my heart, and that when my heart is clean, I have a clean transmission line to the Father.
---the topic of God's Kingdom still lingers in my thoughts. ...

i need to stop there so i can sleep.