Love is in the air

Four days have passed since i last wrote here. And that's not because alot has not been happening; alot has, but it's been mostly internal, as opposed to a landing gear malfunction or a surprise Christmas party invitation. Thursday, i had an exciting time flying because i followed the line 90% of the time on my own and anticipated most of the several hundred turns that all practically require seamless memorization. I look forward to soon going on my own and finally getting paid! That day will be soon enough. Tim and I made the decision at our fuel stop in Freeport, IL to not continue out west on the Kansas lines because of the IFR-causing occluded front that we'd get stuck behind on Friday. So that opened the opportunity for me to come back Thursday night to Peoria to see my grandmother after her neck surgery. My schedule just fit together nicely that day, and it reminded me again how God is working all things together for our good. I came home around 9 and met my friend Brandon there, and we played the Rook card game and Bible Trivia.

My old, good friend Robbie called me at midnight to catch up and tell me that he got engaged on Christmas day. He makes-count 'em- FOUR of my am/were close friends who have gotten engaged this year. Robbie, Jonathan, Jesse and Christina are all outstanding people, and I'm glad for them. I don't feel pressure to move to that step myself, but i do find remarkable the fact that their time seemed to come so soon. Just awhile ago, so it feels, Robbie and i were talking about the girls we had a crush on in our 6th grade class. Our estimation of time is way off, i've found. My four friends have gotten there in a whoosh, and soon i'll be there in the similarly brief period of time. I just need to undergo more change personally before God brings that season around in my world. I need to to more growing up. One Joseph Barth is quoted to have said that "Marriage is our last, best chance to grow up." Best wishes to you, my fine friends. You're about to be all grown up now.

Thursday night in the hospital, i was with my grandpa and grandma in the hospital, she bedridden after her surgery. As i watched my grandpa hovering over her, I empathized for him. I could see by the look in his eyes that he was reflcting on the times back when they were first married and it seemed like forever was before them. Then came the new job, the kids, the grandkids, the day that she fell...Now she's wearing down physically, and death and separation is the inevitable, unavoiable final door down this long hallway of marriage. We know she's got many more years left, but for grandpa, he knows that the separation is nearer than the day that seems like just yesterday.

New Year's eve, this is. In less than eight hours, we'll ring in/drink in/sleep in/kiss in or whatever you do in the moment the new year arrives.

this is cliche, but oh well..

See you next year, y'all.

Realizations

As I throttled up the sporty Diamond Star at the beginning of runway 18, a thought occurred suddenly to my mind that was, quite frankly, striking. That thought was, "I'm a pilot. I fly airplanes." Whoa. The effect was as if I were a younger child having a dream about something he wanted in all his fantasies to be. Except that dream wasn't; this is reality. The collision between dream and reality brings to the mind an enchanted, fulfilling feeling. It brings revival to the mundane, appreciation of the difficult and gratitude for one's disposition. Sometimes, things just don't seem right in this life of mine. But, as one author said, "that's not because where you're at is wrong; it's because you just aren't where you expected." This past Sunday, the commentator at the Bears-Green Bay game said of Brett Favre that he needs to stop his "I am--I'm not" thought pattern. Brett Favre was there in the game, and he's Brett Favre, by golly. Because he is where he is, he is what he is. And the same can be applied to myself.
So last night I stayed up far later than healthy so i could write quite an important letter precisely how i wanted to. It took me awhile, but after i sent it, i had a gut sensation that i'd written one of the 'heaviest' letters to my credit. Despite my assurance that i wouldn't write 'heavy' letters to this person anymore, i did anyway. Sheesh. Owe i an apology? To this minute, that is unknown. As i reflected on that letter and went through my regular business around airplanes and people, I discovered that the letter i wrote had profound applications for myself. Not only did i write that 'heavy' note for the prayerful benefit of the recipient, but I was also writing it for myself. Suffice it to say that i experienced a perspective shift today as a result of that letter. I have to believe next that it was an edification to the reader. God will answer that prayer soon.
As i flew over the east edge of Midway airport this afternoon, I looked over to where just weeks ago, Southwest flight 1248 plowed through barriers and fences onto the very near road, causing a little boy to be killed. The damage was all repaired, and the area looked normal again. Yet, I knew that only that fence at the end of the runway would remain normal. At Midway and Southwest and within the family of the boy and their lawyers, nothing will be normal again. And that is a shame. Because we all are aware of the consequences of this accident; it's about money. This will suffocate one of America's only airlines that is still breathing of its own air, Midway will suffer, the FAA will suffer, and aviation as a whole, fragile as it is, will take yet another hit. And it's all about getting easy money from the many to give it to the greedy few. You know what? People die. One way or another, and at one time or another, each mortal body will be deceased from this earth. That time and manner in which a body dies is one thing everyone must just accept. Why then, I beg, why must the lives of the living be made miserable by the unfortunate death of one? In this case, America may prove that money and materialism is more highly valued than the very quality of life --nay, life itself.

ID. Know what those initials mean these days? Intelligent Design. In Pennsylvania, ID has been banned from school curriculums because it is a Trojan horse for God and creationism. My heart is grieved for those authorities who have waved 'good-bye' to God. They don't understand. "They will deceive and be deceived." "There is no one that searcheth after God, no not one." I am humbled to have been sought and drawn by God's own heart to come into a relationship with Him. It's the best thing that can happen to one on this side of eternity. Once He has one, He places craving for truth in the heart, and to the mind He gives a capacity to understand it.
I was inspired by my water bottle during my flight today. If I drink from my bottle at 800' and replace the airtight cap, if i don't open it again til after landing, it will be somewhat crushed because of the air pressure. My water bottle can't automatically adapt to the changing pressure when it needs to because it keeps closed most of the time. But one physical feature of created beings is that we have a capsule that normally keeps closed except when it needs to adapt to different air pressure--the middle ear. When we go up in altitude, instead of blowing up, the middle ear releases the difference in air pressure. It does the opposite when we descend. How did that evolve? Airplanes didn't exist, mammals we 'descended' from cannot fly, and no mammal could possibly climb and fall hundreds of feet in seconds for years and generations on end to that the trait would be acquired. I find this little feature of our anatomy another wonderful testimony of our Creator and to these marvelous bodies He stitched together one by one.

The thing with the Brew

Along with the physical exhilaration of caffeine, on the few days when I do drink coffee, my thoughts are sent almost always into overdrive. Such is this moment, so before I go to see my grandparents, i need to peck out these ideas because they are as bothersome as they are useful at this moment.
One healthy component of a relationship, as I remember from Warren's book, is that the two in the relationship can admit to each other, "When you do X, I feel Y because Z." I a'm feeling Y right now, but i don't know whether i ought to approach the individual about it. So, while i'm contemplating what to do, i may as well get it out in writing.
When you say that you'll do X if you have time, I feel I and our friendship are simply inconvenient for you because 'if i have time' is the same thing as saying 'if i want to use my time that way.' If our friendship is inconvenient- if it is something you have to happen to feel good about to participate - then please say so. I don't want to be a wedge between you and the rest of what you want to do. I love knowing you. Let me repeat: I love knowing you, and I choose to use my time getting to know you better and helping you to know me better. But when you say you'll do X when you have time, it comes across to me that you want to leave our relationship up to how you feel about me on that day.
Time consists of what we put in it at will. I don't feel like it is your will to know me or be known by me.
Now, let's go from there. Please talk to me.

Merry Christmas, everyone

And a very good one, too! I recieved so many gifts i neither expected nor deserved, and I am humbled by this because honestly i've been very busy feeling self-conscious and selfish recently. My heart groans within me for it, and i wish i could shake it off. But at this time, as God develops patience in me, i have very little wherewithal to be anything more than selfish with all but my time. I thank God, however, for showering grace on me during my season of needing not only money but something more . He's given me the words "you are loved."
Saturday night, a best friend from high school invited me to his sister's house for their Christmas eve gathering. And guess what they had for me? Not just food and friendship but presents! My friend, his two sisters and mother all gave me a little gift for just being there. Imagine melancholy me, melting into childlike excitement all over again.
At church, Isaac Judd played the piano, Laura Thomas sang, and Pastor Wingate gave an outstanding message not on Christ's birth but on what He did for us. That's a lineup of talent and ministering that I value greatly, and I wish it could happen more than once a year.
Then this afternoon after church, I went to another longtime friend's house as per their invitation, and again i was surprised by their gift -- a $40 gas card. In the afternoon came an enormous dinner with the best roasted turkey i'd ever had. Afterward, lazy and tired, most of us lay in front of the TV and watched the Bears win over the Packers 34-27. More sweets, card games, a nap and a Jumanji movie later, i finally left at midnight, but not without another invitation to have dinner with them again Monday.
So when I got home just 1/2 an hour ago, i discovered that two of my teachers from college wrote me back an email and that Bekah wrote me a thorough 1st letter, too. And I got to talk to Abby on the phone for 4 minutes- another gift. Wow, that's a big collection of Christmas presents!

now for a couple notes from today that i may but most likely will not expound on later.
"Christmas is a sad time because many people discover just how lonely they are" - Heather
"He needs to stop playing this mind game of "i'm am" and "I'm not." -football commentator on Brett Favre
"I am where I am, so I am what i am." - me
"Ironic--the call letters of Champaign's christian radio station WBGL spell out the consonants in her name. Now I know what i'm going to think about every time i listen to that station." --me

Arg..shouldn't have done that

But i had something to prove. And I'm glad i did, but now i'm limping. This morning i got up at 6:30 to take my dad to the bus station. Now I'm abandoned from family for Christmas. What did i do first? I ran. I started out at 8 with the intention to just run without a thought on my mind except where I was to go next. Perhaps my only motive for running as far as I did was to prove to myself that if #1 did allow me to join her on a run that I could keep up with her. And I wanted to experience how it feels to run half as long as Angela did. That run was 6.9 miles in 1:12, or 5.75 mph. So, I should be able to keep up with you guys. But not until I recover...my right knee is terribly sore. I believe this is another sign that i'm physiologically crafted to ride and not run as an endurance exercise.
In other news, U of I at Champaign has an aviation department. Hm. I'm praying for a path to lead me to instruct there. Champaign is a much easier drive than Peru (no i'm not leaving the pipeline), and they offer another degree i may be interested in.
Get to spend the evening with my high school friend Jesse in a bit.
Tomorrow...Christmas!

Angela's card quote

"A gift given in love carries no calories."

That topic again?!

yep, it's time for another helping of Jonathan's notes and reflections on marriage. Today i pull from three sources that have been especially inspiring this week. As a mere relaxation from my 50+ hours of working in a span of four days, and because i really care about the issue, I wish to indulge in another helping of premarital self-preparation.
As Angela and I discussed between ourselves this summer, the possibility for a girl and guy to be just genuine friends is very real. Dr. Warren suggests the following formula: "Love minus chemistry equals friendship." Chemistry is essentially a physical magnetism between a couple; a desire to touch, hold hands, kiss, and etcetera is presence of chemistry in a relationship. It an infantile stage, chemistry looks different, as the following Calvin and Hobbes comic strip describes (as quoted in Warren, 202-203)

Calvin: What is it like to fall in love?
Hobbes: Well, say the object of your affection walks by.
Calvin: Yeah?
Hobbes: First, your heart falls into your stomach and splashes your innards. (Hobbes swings his hand around to demonstrate someone who is sweating profusely) This condensation shorts the circuits to your brain, and you get all woozy. When your brain burns out altogether, your mouth disengages, and you babble like a cretin until she leaves."
Calvin: That's love?
Hobbes: Medically speaking.
Calvin: That happened to me once, and I figured it was cooties!

Chemistry is the "indispensible agent" of togetherness in a relationship. Warren calls it "glue" for the hard times and the deliverer of great joy in the good times. "Don't go to your wedding without it."
Well, you say, what else would one bring to the wedding? Glad you asked. I can condense the myriad of excellent points of Warren's book into three: When you get married, make sure that you and your girlfriend/boyfriend are Compatible, Committed and have Chemistry.

I found the seven checkpoints before you say I Do quite remarkable.
1- Take plenty of time to evaluate your relationship before deciding to get married; take one to two years or more getting to know each other consistently.
2-Make sure you are the right age to get married; wait until you and your partner are at least in your mid-twenties.
3- Beware of being overeager; make sure that you are marrying for all the right reasons
4- Make yourself happy; the person you must please in your mate selection is yourself
5-Make sure you have a broad spectrum of dating experiences; see your potential mate in as many different circumstances as possible-in good times and tough times, important matters or mundane.
6-make sure your expectations are realistic; get a grip on what real life is going to be like with your partner.
7-Address any character issues, behavioral problems, or personality quirks before getting married; if you have any doubts about your ability or willingness to make an irrevocable commitment to your partner, or you question your partner's ability to make such a commitment to you, slow down!

Another quote: "Once the marriage vows are taken, however, once you and another person have pledged yourselves to each other for a lifetime, you have every responsibility to make that relationship work. With a few puffs of air, your entire focus changes; you are linked to another person for life.

Since opening up Ravi Zacharias' book, i have been enlightened too. I encourage each Christian bachelor/ette to read it! One reflection on that so far is, during the marriage vows, wouldn't it be more appropriate to say "I give thee myself to be thy lawfully wedded husband..." ?

Finally, i submit Ephesians 3:19 for consideration. "And to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge..." A husband is told to love his wife as Christ loves his church-but what a standard to live up to!! If Christ has a love that exceeds what we can know, that means I am challenged as a husband to love my wife so deeply and consistently that she doesn't even know, despite her intelligence, how much she's loved--it's beyond her. "Thank you for loving me more than I can know" is a compliment I hope to receive from her someday.

Another quote of the week

Credit is due to one of my readers for giving me the Encouraging Quote of the Week. This definitely deserves a place in its own entry.

Write a book. Start it now, and keep going. It shouldn't be difficult for you; when it comes to the events of your life, you are an adroit writer.

Thank you, Randy, for those undeserved yet uplifting words! You make me smile tonight.

It's over

...That's what i sighed to myself as i banked left after inspection of the final pipeline segment. A strenuous week of flying, getting up early and sleeping little finally came to a close today. And boy, am I releived! Monday thru Thursday i got up at 1:45, 4:00, 6:15, and 3:45 in the morning, respectively, and didn't arrive back home until dinner time each night. All together this week, i flew to six different airports, logged 10 high-perf. multi-engine hours and 11 single-engine hours, two instrument approaches and made 13 landings in two different type aircraft.
I learned this week to generalize my days as either a growing day or a going day. On some days, I am forced to grow in skill, aptitude or patience, and on other days everything may just go for me. This entire week has been the former, and i do confess that I have not felt myself lately and haven't talked much today because i've had an attitude problem all day. You wouldn't believe the thoughts that have spontaneouly arrived, yet indeed i constrain myself from expressing them because of the ramifications of such negativity. For the majority of the day, I have chosen to bar my mouth while feeling anything less than appreciative or constructive, ere my words wreak pain in the hearer after breaking my heart on their way out.
So that's why i haven't written or called you tonight, Number 1. I don't feel...worthy.
Today, Tim and i went up and took samples of air for the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) starting at FL250 (25,000') just east of Champaign/Urbana, Illinois. I took a picture of me in my part-space suit of headset, sunglasses and supplemental oxygen mask while pointing to the altimeter reading 25,000'. I laughed at myself when i looked at the picture just a bit ago.
The next picture is of Champaign as it appears from its north end. Just last Saturday, Abby and I were in the center of that dark blob which is actually what congested city roads, trees and buildings look like from four miles high. It makes me awe at how small we are.
As for yesterday, I copiloted on a charter flight to take an old woman who was immobilized after hip surgery from Mayo Clinic (Rochester, Minnesota) to her home to Shelbyville in southern Illinois. The picture of her arrival at Shelbyville is the third one down.
And yes, for the past 3 days, we have been flying the Navajo. The 310 is currently without a nosegear-and thanks be to God that it lacks only that.
Before i close, here's my profound and probably rediculous reflection on myself for the week: I am doomed to ever finding satisfaction in something less than burnout.

Things that go bump in the plane - pictures

One view of the broken turnbuckle, under the floorboards on the left side. You can see where the bolt snapped right off.


Another view. At this angle, you can see that the pushrod from the gear motor found its way into a convenient little space in the turnbuckle as it pushed its way to an answered prayer. "Controlled Flight Into Terrain" Surprise. A fatigued pilot can appreciate this very real threat--i sure can this week!
Treating our passengers to aerial sightseeing of...other airplanes. The one near the top at the picture is an AirTran 717-200 on its way to Chicago.
The beautiful VG (vortex generators)-outfitted Navajo wing under Gary, Indiana's Jet Center FBO sign.

Things that go bump in the plane

(original letter to A.F.)
We found what happened.
The evidence is that something transcending mere luck was responsible for pushing that nosegear down for us.
The shuddering bang that we felt was the sound of the turnbuckle between the landing gear motor and the nosegear push-pull rod snapping apart. The very rod that pushes on the turnbuckle-which works like a seesaw to transfer force from one rod to another - actually became dramatically disconnected from the turnbuckle as we tried to bring the gear up. The cause was down at the landing gear shock absorber. As we climbed out from Morris that fateful hour, the shock absorber failed to extend as it usually does, so as it the nosegear swung into its little compartment, the tire was asked to fit in a space it was not designed to go. Consequently, the motor attempted to keep pulling on a component that wasn't going to reach the end of its travel. The pressure kept building. And building. And Building! The weakest link was that turnbuckle, and it broke at the attachment of the rod coming from the motor. The rod was thence dislocated from the turnbuckle, and the weight of the gear pulled the turnbuckle away from the pushrod.
As Tim lowered the gear next, and as I prayed that the gear would come down, the pushrod happened to find its way back into the turnbuckle and pushed it in such a way that it actuated the rod connected to the gear. To illustrate, imagine, if you will, poking a pencil blindfolded into a pencil sharpener.
We were very, very fortunate that the nosewheel came down and locked. I praise God for His mercies!
To start off my day, I flew the Navajo of Peru to to Freeport, Illinois, where I made a very nice landing. We picked up an architect, a builder and a guy my age and flew them to Gary, Indiana. We enjoyed a nice brunch at Cracker Barrel, then i spent the rest of the morning napping and reading on a most luxurious leather chair. By noon the passengers returned, and the rest of our flight time was uneventful. In fact, it was beautiful. The sky was clear, the air was silky smooth, and I best of all, i was flying.
Two hours of pipeline patrol followed, and finally by 5 i got to come home.

We're all okay- pictures from today

Our chariot- Cessna 310 N7743Q at an airport in Toledo , Ohio. Notice the Ohio plate on the car.
See! we're here!
I needed a recent picture of myself looking dressed up.
Tim, Chuck and the mechanics at the "Thank heavens the airplane isn't hurt, now let's get it off the runway!" ceremony. See how precisely Tim landed the airplane on the centerline!

We're all okay

Original story written to A. F.

Just three hours ago, I was in an airplane thinking about writing you my story from today. I thought it would be one to end in catastrophe. Praise God that it does not end so.
As i wrote you last night, we flew out of Lasalle/Peru at around 4:15AM to a small airport in Morris. Our mission was to meet two men and fly them to an auction in Toledo, Ohio. We arrived there at 4:50 and waited--firstly, for the employee of the owner of company, and secondly, for the owner of the company himself who, under the influence of booze and fatigue, slept in until his employee woke him via cell phone. Needless to say, I am very glad that Mr. Employee was invited and came this early morn, ere we get too cold at four below and give up on our client!
A seemingly perpetual sunrise dazzled on the eastern horizon for the hour and ten minute flight to Toledo. Tim and I went to Bob Evans for breakfast-my second for the day, first one being at 3AM-then hung out at the general aviation lounge until 2:00. I caught a small power nap and read I, Isaac and a couple other magazines to pass the time.
It was on the trip back home that things turned really eventful.
Back at Morris, Tim made a smooth touchdown made sweeter by the rousing applause from the passengers. The smiles their cheers induced would be our last until the next time we have our feet sturdily on the ground.
As we climbed out of Morris, we were feeling quite content with our braving the cold through a long but accomplished day. Now we just fly home casually and rest from it. The airplane had different plans for us, however: as Tim retracted the landing gear, a reutein procedure after takeoff, a sudden loud bang resounded above all the other noise, and the accompanying shiver through the airplane's metallic frame resonated up my backbone. Tim and I looked each other straight in the eye with puzzled amazement. Whatever that anomaly was, it was not a sign of something good.
On the engine on Tim's side is a little mirror in which the pilot can see the nosewheel strut. In it, Tim could see that the nosewheel, while the other two were retracted, was hanging at a 45-degree angle. As we went through the list of possibilities, we were to assume the worst. That is, part of the linkage holding the nose gear in place sheared off somehow. So when one assumes the worst, one plans for the worst. Our plan was to try and extend the gear and hope that the three green lights, indicating all the landing gear are safely down and locked, illuminate. No matter the results of that attempt, the contingency plan was to land the plane as if the nose gear would collapse upon contact with the ground. My role was to shut down the engines a few seconds before landing so the propellers would be stopped before the theoretical collapse of the nose gear. This would save over 100 grand in engine repairs. Tim's role was to make the most gentle landing in his ability so that the nosegear has a chance to stay down.
Thankfully, Tim actuated the gear-down switch, and all the lights shined in brilliant, soothing green, yet we were not to take that for granted. I prayed for us that God would allow that nosegear to stay put and for Tim to make the landing that this situation demanded.
Our landing went as planned. I shut down the engines, and the props were stopped within the amazing seven seconds that Tim held the nosewheel off the runway. Then it touched, and we continued to roll down the runway. We were alright, the airplane was alright, and another story of my adventurous life came to a close.
As for the actual problem, none of the four experienced mechanics really know what happened up there. Little damage is present in the wheel well, and the source of the bang we heard is a mystery.
I spent a few minutes in reflection and introspection afterward. I was a little afraid in those unusual moments. I wasn't fearing for my life but for the airplane. I had been in a unplanned crash before and came out alright by God's grace, so certainly a planned crash was going to be a threat to not even a hair on my head. I was afraid of the consequences of that nose wheel collapsing: a bashed-in nose cone, bent propellers, explaining this to the FAA and insurance companies, getting hazed by the FAA, and the downtime and repair of the airplane. As i look back on it now, I did make the wrong choice of thoughts. One lesson a pilot needs to learn as he enters an airplane is to leave fears on the ground. For the endurance of the flight, the objective is to give all attention to the business of flying the airplane and to bring it back on the ground safely so that everyone can go home at the end of the day. No matter what that simple end demands, it must be met. Fear is an obstacle to clear perceptions, sound judgment and sharp motor skills, and it has no place in the mind of a person flying an airplane. I've read of a pilot promising himself a good "fear bath" at the end of an airplane crisis. That is a good way to help defer and avoid being influenced by fear.
I see here too a parallel of our spiritual life. Jesus tells us not to worry about tomorrow because the evil of day is sufficient thereto. As a pilot must leave fears on the ground so his pilot skills and judgment won't be marred, we as Christians need to leave fears in the hands of God, for all we really need to do is give our attention to the affairs of our daily life and end each day safe at home. "Cast your cares on Him, for he cares for you." God creates us all unto good works and that in our lives we might magnify Him, and I beleive that God sets His unique objective for us in our hearts, and we need to just leave our fears in His hands, carry out God's will for our lives, and go home safe each night, knowing that, ultimately, will come a day when we will not make it to our home on earth.
And oh, what a day of rejoicing that will be!!

Lane Wallace quotes

Lane Wallace is a writer for Flying magazine. Her work is insightful and inspiring.

About relationships:
Long-term relationships are never just about romance and fun. They are, as Joseph Campbell once said, the ordeal and grace of participating in another's life.

No relationship stays constant, unless it or its participants are 9/10 stagnant or dead.

Balance, no matter your job or life situation, is always a challenging goal to achieve. And it's rarely something that happens without some level of concerted effort.

Comfort, like trust or intimacy, is somethign built slowly and quietly in the course of life and time.

True love of friendship begins when convenience ends.

One of my most cherished friends once told me that he loved me especially when I was at my worst, because that's when I needed it the most. Even 100,000 long-stemmed roses couldn't possibly say more than that.

About Alaska:
As wild as this place is, it has a peace about it that is contagious, extraordinary an profound, and its beauty is something you don't just see. It is something you feel, in every single sense, limb and cell of your being.

"I wish you enough"

By Bob Perks.

I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.

I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.

I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.

I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger.

I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.

I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.

I wish you enough "Hello's" to get you through the final "Goodbye."

Oh really?

So i learned tonight from one aforementioned individual that she checks my blog every night. Now i don't know whether that ought to spur me to greater caution or to greater courage. Methinks courage because it has a tendency to bring out one's better and truer self. So cower I will not.
Only herein do i feel in the unpleasant disposition to say hello and goodbye to you at the same time; perchance you discover that our paths unalterably divide. At least for Saturday i hope they'll stay together.
Randy (elmos-blog.blogspot) is on the same page as I this week. My best choice is to quote him: "See folks, the Holy Spirit isn't one that makes you feel shame and guilt and worthlessness and unsaved-ness... that's the voice of the devil. The one that tells me I'm not good enough, that I'm insufficient, that I don't have what it takes. The Holy Spirit will certainly point out sins, if you let him, but not the way the devil does." During this week's little shift in environment and little change of plans, I've endured many spiritual assaults that can drive a guy over the edge. Notions of insufficiency, ugliness, abandonment and dislocation ravaged my mind, and I wanted to say "NO" to it all, but the ideas were just so convincing. The "there is no temptation common to man" was true for me, for as i struggled to push the notions out, God used the literature i read to touch me to my heart to give me hope, assurance and faith sufficient for the moment. I know of one battleground whereupon satan attacks: boredom and an inactive mind. When I feel i am doing nothing in furtherance of God's plan in my life, satan barges in and discourages my walk. You've got it all wrong. You shoulda thought of that years ago; now look at what you've done! Nobody will like you anymore. You'll never keep her happy, if she falls for you at all. You are incorrigible and your situation is futile. They'd be better off without you.
No. The One who strengthens me is Christ, and as long as I am with that strength, I can do all things. But not aimless things; things that will honor and glorify Him. I gotta beleive that. Everything that happens is working together for my good to engage me to fulfill His purpose.
I can say with enthusiasm that I love my work, my family, the city I live in, my friends and my involvements. I'm alive, and if a few close calls would have been closer, life wouldn't be happening for me right now. How often do i remind myself of the beautiful gift of life? Ellen DeGeneres (Ellen DeGeneres!?) wrote in a credit card advertisement, "Every day is perfect, even the imperfect ones." What a noble attitude, one that consequently precedes a really perfect days.
When you really want to live, then you really get to live. I think it works that simply. Case in point: Last weekend.
Randy, i'm on another page with you: Pride. I don't want to be blessed enough to be such a 'big' person that I am prideful of it. Nor do i want to be so low and mowed over by life that i have the pride of self-pity. My hope and prayer is to live humbly, always humbly. What i have, i want to beleive i have it by His grace, and what i don't have i want to believe i don't have it because of His mercy.

My winter wonderland

On a scale of 1-10, this day gets a 7 for productivity. I attempted to wash out of my life -at least out of my room - all the possessions that are unnecessary to me and my cares. The process was quite depressing, to tell you the truth. Just to think how, all my life, i've been bogged down by this 'stuff' that really got me nowhere except to appreciate the true worth of the simple lifestyle. When i was younger, i thought my coolness factor pivoted upon my possession of material goods and trinkets-the small to large 'look at it and grin' items that sooner than later live out their purpose. I am not a better person for having assumed responsibility over so many objects. But hindsight is 20/20 indeed, for now i wish i could have all those efforts back and spend them now in the one responsibility of taking care of a person and people. In my lowest moments of reflection today, i counted a lot of what i had as loss for the sake what i know now. I listened to an echo of these thoughts in a Rascal Flatts song, "...I think about the time i lost just passing through/ I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you." Applicable to both God and the one he's chosen for me, ''you" is on my mind as i cried in regret of so much wasted time and energy.
Now, after about seven hours of work, my room feels purified. Stepping into my room tonight is like walking into a tranquil haven. I strung lights on one wall, and they alone softly illuminate the wooden floor and beige walls. The cleaning job yielded peaceable fruit.
DInner tonight was a three-way effort that turned out delightfully. Dad brought home Chinese fried rice from Ming's Wok, mom cooked vegetables, and i floured and fried some Alaskan salmon. Together, the rice, vegetables and salmon with a little barbecue sauce mixed in made a culinary masterpiece.
I get to tutor math again tonight starting at 9, and i need to practice my violin too, so that will be fun as i wind down from an emotionally trying day. Oh, i looked through college papers and projects too and what my teachers wrote on them, and that provided some encouragement. My english teacher wrote on a set of reading journals i wrote, "Jonathan--you write so beautifully; sometimes it makes me ache!" That makes me smile.

Inspiring quotes

One can never consent to creep when one feels the impulse to soar. -- Jody Foster

Only those who risk going too far will ever know how far they can go. --TS Eliot.

Do not anticipate trouble or worry about what may happen; keep in the sunshine--Benjamin Franklin

Heart torn out, down for the count, and still come back for more--Heather Jennings

Thank you, Abby, for a weekend of heaven on earth

shadows

In your eyes I (will) see forever
It (will make) me wish that my life never knew
The day before you
Oh, but Heaven knows (these) years without you
(are) shapin' my heart for the day that I (find) you
You're the reason for all that (I'm going) through
Then I'm thankful for (these days) before you-

Rascal Flatts

Winter tales

(Originally written to A.F.)
I have a winter story to tell you, and it has alot to do with my devotions this morning. I read Romans 8, which contains your life verse Romans 8:28. I spent about seven minutes studying just that verse ---the words, the phraseology, the precontext. In the King James version, it is worded "And we know that all things work for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose." The details i noticed this morning was quite profound.
For one, the preceding two verses tell us about three unseen forces in action for our aid: The Spirit, who makes intercession for us as we pray; "he that searches the hearts", who knows what the Spirit's words of intercession are; and "the will of God", which determines the intercession that will be made for us by the Spirit. Then, says verse 28, "all things work together." I would love to see the words all things in their literal greek form because I want to know for sure if 'things' are things we know in this world, or if 'things' are referring also to the three active forces mentioned in 8:26-27. I lean towards it really meaning all things in existence: those mentioned in 8:26-27 as well as the trials, blessings, tragedies and gifts that come our way.
My second observation comes in the next six words: "work together for good to them." This morning, those words took on a different meaning. Rather than asserting that those things work together for good, as in a generally good purpose (you know what i mean?), those things are working together to be good to them that love God. All the activity in the heavens, the world, and inside us is working together, somehow, for our good, since we are members of God's family and kingdom. Isn't that just a magnificient thought? Paul felt so himself, because he then wrote afterwards in verses 31-39 the most eloquent composition expressing God's love for us.

So here's the winter story. I was coming back from LaSalle/Peru a little later than i should have, and the snow had accumulated on the roads faster than the cars could overrun and liquefy the flakes, so it was slippery and dangerous. Just five miles from home, i was driving on I-55 N when i must have turned the wheel a bit too abruptly. Because the next thing i knew, the car was pointed 20 degrees left, and the little corrections i used to reorient the car were futile. A few seconds later, i was in a ditch! Thankfully, i did not slide all the way to the trough of the ditch because a little groove was there in which my wheels would have gotten helplessly stuck. I tried scooting forward to try and gain momentum so i could get up the incline, but the lack of traction prevented any progress. Who would help me now? I tried for five minutes to save myself before i prayed that God would help me. In a matter of seconds later, I turned around and saw two tall and built men walking towards me from the other side of the highway. With their push, i was out of my predicament. I couldn't but reflect on what could have happened--what if i slipped while a car were a little behind me, or while i were next to an overpass, or while i were next to a sideguard? And were those men angels, for they had arrived-for all i could tell-the moment i prayed for God to help me. I know i abide in God's goodness, and this little story is about all things working together for my good because He made it so.

Olny srmat poelpe can raed tihs.

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg.

The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid! Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at

Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a

wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be

in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed

it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey

lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

Amzanig, huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!

If you can raed tihs psas it on !!

Encouraging quote of the day

"It ain't no mountain for a climbing man." - Adam, guy i shoveled snow with today.

Carry that attitude into the context of your own situation.
What does it mean to you?
-----



THis is a mural above Terminal B at Anchorage International airport. You'll need to open this pic in another window to read the quote written across the top. I took this during my last hour in Alaska, many days after which i still felt that sentiment. Here's a reason why... Lake Clark Pass in the Alaska Range during my flight to Iliamna on September 27
Your righteousness is like the mighty mountains! Your faithfulness reaches to the sky!

lessons of the my first two days around the sun for the 23rd time: 1) "Count it all joy, my brethren, when you endure trials." 2) keep your heart searching for the woman who is very much like me. She's the one God made for me. 3) when she does come, she will want me, not money or my physical covering. 4) sieze the day for all it's worth, rest and recharge at night 5)

Tactful voicemail of the week: (to my friend Brandon, whose 23rd birthday is today) "Hello passenger of Earth Airlines; this is your captain speaking. We have just reached Trip Twenty-Three around the sun and are on well our way to Trip 80. We have experienced many monents of pleasure, joy, fulfillment, as well as loss and pain, but we wish you that the rest of the journey, though the pain will not pass behind, holds many more periods of satisfaction and happiness. May you travel gracefully, and may the God of peace mount you on His wings always and bless you richly."

today's thought from the Bible: Romans 4: Abraham was given one promise from God, and on this he stood strong because he was fully persuaded that God was able to perform that which He promised. How well am i doing at imitating Abraham in this respect? We have so many more promises than just one, and how many are we standing on steadily day-to-day? Here's another point to consider: God makes so many promises about our life on earth, and yet those are the one's we're most apt to realize in a matter of days or years. How firmly do we rely on and trust these promises to come true? Now, think about the promise of heaven. It's one we will not realize on earth, and yet it seems to be the one we most confidently hold on to. Hm. If we can beleive God for this, can't we beleive Him for anything? Said another way, if we can't beleive God for a number of things he promised us for our earthly life, DO WE REALLY beleive God for His promise of salvation by which we enter Heaven?

A Randy pic

Just for Randy-- A Piaggio Avanti parked in the hangar at Midwest Avtech on Tuesday

Important numbers

23: my years on earth as of today

1: call i received from a particular important person today
95: minutes i got to talk with particular important person today

75: number of pushups i did in one set this morning

3: hours of Navajo time on Wednesday
20: dollars tipped for flying the Navajo
25.5: total flying hours for the past 3 days

Quotes

Vision is the perfume of the mind. --Harriet Rubin

Inspiration grows into full-scale creation through
persistence and imagination. --Carol Lloyd